Pizza fun while you wait!

I was hungry today, and didn't feel like making anything, so I treated myself to a delivered Pizza.

I worked at a Pizza place almost 8 years many moons ago, and it was one of the best jobs I had memories of. I can still authentic toss a fresh pizza dough in seconds and spin anything from a mug to a 2 quart pitcher in my hand. I made the best of friends there, and the most diverse of loved ones.

I thought of this while awaiting on hold for Dominoes to pick up. I set about collecting ideas on how to add some excitement when ordering a pizza over the phone. Try some yourself and add to the fun! Your pimply "order chief" will probably appreciate the brake from monotony too!

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
3. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
4. Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
5. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition, ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
6. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
7. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
8. Stutter on the letter "p." P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pizza...
9. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
10. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
11. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If asked "Would you like drinks with that?", panic and become disoriented.
12. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
13. Ask if they can hold a pizza to the phone so you can smell it.
14. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
15. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
16. Ask if you can rent a pizza.
17. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a huge sigh of relief.
18. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long"i" sound.
19. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
20. Imitate the order taker's voice.
21. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now?"
22. Play a sitar in the background. Speak in a bad indian accent.
23. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
24. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
25. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
26. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
27. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
28. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you? Why are calling me?"
29. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
30. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
31. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
32. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
33. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
34. Wonder aloud if you should trim them pesky nose hairs.
35. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and.. . action!"
36. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
37. When they repeat your order, say "Again, ...with a little more OOMPH this time."
38. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does."Simulate a cutoff.
39. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
40. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
41. Ask if the driver can swing by a market and pick up some toilet paper, Cherrioes, and a Maxim mag on the way there for you.
42. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
43. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
44. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it,do you?"
45. Haggle.
46. Order a one-inch pizza.
47. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
48. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
49. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
50. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
51. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in thebackground. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
52. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
53. Order a steamed pizza.

If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, (54) say, in your best pouty voice, " The last guy let me do it."