Tis But A Scratch...

King Arthur: "...Your arm's cut off!!"
Black Knight (spurting blood from his shoulder socket, sans arm): "...No it isn't...."
King Arthur: "Well, whats that over there?", pointing to the dismembered arm on the grass.
Black Knight, gazing at the arm, then back at the King, "Tis but a flesh wound...I've had worse..."

I've always said that as my Birthday approaches, I have...HAVE...to be very careful. Bad things happen. Sometimes very bad things. And now I have to add to keep sharp objects away from me.

Friday night, the 13th, I was watching the fair Christina slice and destroy old TaxCut boxes, after all, if you didn't send your taxes off, you're screwed now, I guess. We were talking, when she let out a yelp! She managed to cut her wrist, not a deep cut, but enough to draw blood. I asked her what happened, and it seems among all the right handed box knife blades, someone made a left handed one. One fast skip over a slick surface and she's injured as she drops the knife in a pile of two others. I take her to mend her wounds and she says she's fine. She's a trooper, and I love that strength about her. Now it takes a random series of events to make that happen once, but to have that happen twice in 5 minutes takes either the worst luck in the whole world, or supreme stupidity...

And here's where I come in.

I tell Christina (or Chrissy J, as we rapmasters call her...okay, just me...but I think it's cute), rest the hand and I'll finish up the last few boxes, and a grab a...knife. Yes, I was "lucky" enough to once again grab the same knife with Christina's blood slathered over it. Once quick cut and a skip, the screw holding the blade handle together moving loose and the blade exposed one inch. And the world stopped as I engage my brain to realize that the long blade, had bisected clear through my thumb. A pause that lasted a lifetime, as my eyes settled back into my sockets and I stared at the wound.

Then the red blood gushed forth like a Las Vegas fountain show. And when they say blood is warm? It's intensely hot and comforting in a strange way. Christina grabs my hand and leads me to the first aid kit, with my tell tale mark of pools of blood all over the place. I have her grab me a pressure gauze and the bleeding still doesn't stop, pooling into my other hand. I start to clean up the place like a pathetic shotgun victim with paper towels, when Christina tells me to go in the back and wash it out. I listen to her, because evidential, now, we're bonded by blood!

As I make my way to the back with a red, previously white rag, and the other hand cupping the filling pool from the slice...when Dean, our assistant manager and professional stress machine runs into me. He starts spouting off things he wants me to do tonight before he goes, no even seeing my hands are crimson. When he finally asks me If I want a lunch now, he notices the trail of plasma and his jaw hits the floor...

"I think, now, would be a good time, y'think." I say

As I try to use the huge first aid kit in the brake room, I realize that most injuries happen to the hands. Yet, EVERYTHING in a first aid kit required two hands, and some of those sealed packets are near tear proof. What the hell? I have to change the dressing four times before Dean asks me, if I think I can finish out the night. It's typical of me that I put others before myself. And an evening with a freaked out Dean is like a tazer to the tender lumps. I pretend the bleeding stopped and say he can go home. And a sigh of relief fills the store.

Christina is brilliant! She repacked and taped up my would so well, not one drop spilled out! I think she was a Madam Curie in another life. And I decided that I'd go to the hospital tomorrow. Too much has happened today.

At the urgent care, I have a nurse carefully try to cut loose the gauze and tape. Christina's such a professional, that the tape is incredibly hard to get some scissors under and cut away. Five minutes into the cutting, the nurses phone rings and she startles so much, the scissors go flying. Shit in a Tophat! All I need is a puncher too!

The doc comes in and separates the wound! Well, at least try...y'see, I have a knack of healing really really fast. In fact the blood trails at work coagulated within minutes. And my would was sealed...even for being a half in deep and scraped bone!

"It's healing really well," he says, "what we're gonna give you is a few tetanus shots and antibiotics. dirty blade, you know..."

The tetanus shots hurt WAY worse. Like someone slammed you on the upper arm with a sledge hammer. And I did a little research, because I immediately started to get my cough and runny nose again...it's because of what they gave me. It's making my immunity system run overtime and At the time, I didn't know it could get worse...

Should have known, though. My birthday isn't here yet. Plenty can happen...