The Lost Band Journal

A while back, a few of the missing months in fact, the project was started to clean out my life.

I probably threw away about 87% of my life. Old letter, picture, clippings, magazines, books, pogs, crap...if I picked it up, and saw no need for it right at that moment, I knew I wouldn't ever. Goodwill so made out like a bandit with me. Now I need a bed, a couch, and a pony named Frank.

Anyway, I found quite a few things I thought had long ago disappeared. One being another Band Journal. As I've stated in blogs of past, this was something I did for the fliers of the current bands I was in. I hated the blase fliers with just "we're awesome!!! KICKASS!!! Come to da SHOW, Beeotch!!!" that was sooo normal...

I wrote these to have an edge that the others didn't. This one never saw print:
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Earwax isn't flammable. that must be the reason why you can't just buy earwax candles - the damn stuff simply will not burn. So all of you who are looking in that direction for a miraculous alternative energy source can just relax, cause you need a blow torch to make ear wax burn...

This is the type of knowledge one can acquire when one's television is on the fritz. In fact, a plethora of discoveries awaits the individual whose attention is no longer anchored to the tube, which recently came the case with us, as our TV joined our refrigerator and our microwave in the mysterious major appliance die-off.

In the interest of saving millions of American tax dollars in the form of government research grants, here's a partial list of some of the breakthroughs the band has made in the absence of television:

1) Over a long period of time, belly button lint can be formed into comfortable socks...

2) There was a time when our couch was white...

3) If you take a piece of aluminum foil, wrap it around the head of a match, then light it with another match, the foil-match will shoot across the room and burn your stereo system right to the ground..

4) Never, never, never, never, never ever look at the underside of a coffee table.

See you at the show...

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I don't know. It works, I guess...