Top o' The Marnin' To Ya!

It seems that the luck of the Irish escapes me.

I was involved in an bad car accident on the way to the doctors yesterday. I don't think wearing green would have helped. And the whole thing is as stupid as a Hilary Duff career.

I was driving to a specialist in Portland, with my MRI films in hand. I get close to the doctor, when he calls me and says that he needs me to get the originals from my original practitioner, as the radiologists films I picked up, probably isn't the original films.

So I drive back to Vancouver, another 14 miles, when a big bad dump truck decides he wants to occupy the space my car currently resides on the highway.

Like an angry drunk leprechan with a mac truck sized shelighly, the truck merges it's front end into my back sidepanel and bumper. I remember thinking, "What the hell was that smack?! Did someone hit me?"... that thought was cut short as this was only the beginning...

Much like a police car tapping a escaping suspect in a car, that back end blow send my car into a spin. And, the truck, just now becoming aware that the right hand lane had a small geo metro hits me again on the drivers side sinding me into a faster counterclockwise spin. The inside of my car becomes a tossed salad as I go skittering across the 3 lane highway. All I remember was seeing trucks and cars spinning passed me, and be being incredibly upset at what just happened.

Most people panic, or cry, or are scared in these moments. I was absolutly pissed off at the truck driver, at the day, at the fact that my radio didn't work anymore, at the fact that Bush is still president, the fact that Pauly Shore somehow makes movies, at the fact that the driver was probably wearing green.

I now tell people, when you hear I play video games and first person shooters, I don't even wanna hear crap about that ever again. That "childish hobby" saved my life. I flew with such force, I was volted backwards over the median into the oppiosite oncoming traffic. Using my "mad skilz", I was able to fight the steering on the car to make the vehicle fly backwards through two trees on the median, and weave backwards through the traffic without hitting anyone. Finally coming to rest on the curbside 6 lanes away.

After hobbling to the truck driver with his apologies, collecting info, and the greatly apprciated help, I was able to bend back the metal from my car and clean the broken glass, amazingly...it still starts! It was like droping and egg from a building and it lands unscathed! The Geo Metro is pretty much considered the dixie cup of cars, the utimate of total body crumple zone. And my little blue shuttle landed like a olympic gymnast with a perfect routine!

And now, the irish irony: Seems that I did have the original, and only, films on me to begin with, I didn't need to go to back to vancouver to pick up anything.

So, I go to an emergency room (the 4rd separate doctor i've seen today), and after waiting so long that, i witnessed small children grow to adulthood and old people wither, I see the Doctor...

No wait...it's the physicians assitiant. Thats like the getto of medical practitioners. A nurse usualy has more experience and training than a PA. I say, If I have to see a guy who couldn't even become a doctor, I shouldn't have to pay "real doctor" prices. Thats like seeing a dentist, and because the doc is busy, the receptionist pulls your tooth.

Heres his 10 minute examination: Where does it hurt. Put your hands up. Put your hands behind your back. Touch your toes. Walk. You're okay. You're going to be in great pain tomarrow. You'll be okay for work here's some heavy narcotics. B'bye.

He even examined the wrong wrist and leg. When I told him that, he just grunted and left. No mention that my blood pressure was as high as a frightened humming bird. That my knee joint snaps like a rattling pair of dice. The nurse that came in to give my prescription was 100 times better, as she examined me at the right areas, asked the right questions, give me a week off of work and readjusted my meds when I told here the PA sucked balls. Not literally, but you know what I mean. After all, he was just a PA...

So here I am, bandaged, banged up, near immobile, and on heavy meds. But, I can't help but feel...lucky...

Considering what might have been. I'm alive. My car still runs. No fractures other than multiple dislocations and a hairline, bruses and minor cuts. Work was understanding. And If I want to be positive about this, I have a weekend off finally.

So people, my St. Pattys day motto is, go practice your mad skilz on some video games. As many as you can do. It might save your life one day.

Never drank a drop yesterday, but I feel like I have the worlds worst hangover today!

Top O' tha Marnin' to YA!!