Lando Calrissian walks towards the Millenium Falcon, to commence the final assault to the Death Star. He tells Han Solo he'll take good care of her.
"Not a scratch!" Chides Han, obviously worried about his pride and joy.
"Would you get going, ya pirate!", Laughs Lando as he walks towards the starship. Leia, seeing the look on Han's face...
"what's wrong?", She asks.
"I dunno.", Han says looking at the Falcon one last time, "But why do I have that feeling like I'm never gonna see her again?"
Today, Leifs Auto Collision towed away my lil' blue Geo Metro. And I remembered that scene from Return of the Jedi, as I saw the ol' gal carted away on a flatbed, out of the parking lot.
I know, I know. I'm over worrying, but I can't help that feeling. When will it be back? In what condition? Will a mechanic steal all my pennies in the ashtray? I miss the blue thing already.
Even when the auto repair place got me a 2005 mustang as a loaner. And mind you, that is a sweet ass car! Power everything, CD player, and I took it over 85 mph just to see what it can do (It can do much more.). But I truly want my Geo back. Is that bizarre or what?
And Jeez, The insurance company, who is supposed to do all this, is dragging their feet so much, they probably only have stubs above the ankles! They told me I had to find a place to get an estimate, and Leifs told me in the state of Washington, the insurance company is supposed to do all that! It took 2 Weeks to get the offending driver to actually report the accident! And when I needed a loaner car, the insurance people said that I had to pay it all, and maybe they'd reimburse me later when their "investigation" is over. Whatta load of steamy crap! And I told them so.
Once again Leif Auto sprung for the rental and will be charging that insurance. Something else they are supposed to do. The guy at Leifs, his job is to help with these kind of problems, says these companies do that all the time. They take advantage of people like me and try to get off easy. Just like the Imperial juggernaut in Star Wars!!! Gasp!!!
The trucking company who hit me said they were so late with the report because of a death in the family. Well, I understand and sympathize, but there was almost a death in MY family when I was vaulted across a busy intersection! Then the driver didn't "have time" to report to matter. Meanwhile, I sleep maybe 6 hours all week because no one else had the time to do anything. Oh, they had time to try to bribe me with a small petty cash payoff. And they had time to avoid my calls (depleting my phone minutes twice) asking for their insurance...
So, I'm thinking lawyer. Much like the Jedi Council, just more money grubbing, no morals, and bad floral print ties. Okay, maybe not like the Jedi... More like Jabba the Hutt, or that spindly little cackling green thing on his lap. But thats what I need obviously to tread these murky waters.
And with my luck, that stupid insurance company will probably say they wont pay the $2500 to fix my car to pre-collision status. Well, too bad, they have to as it was all their policy holders fault. You're not junking my car. I want my Geo Metro back! (although we can talk 2005 mustang...) Come to think of it, that huge black dump truck did look like an engine of oppression the Empire would use. I was blindsided by my own Death Star dump truck! I'm a wreck right now, and when the car is taken car of and I have her back, I can start worrying about my own injuries.
March went in like a lion, and left like a lamb... Being eaten by a lion.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
The Broken Shoelace
I think I've come up with a way to raise the morale of all salespeople in the workplace!
You see, working in that industry, you constantly are "helping" customers that think you're there for their amusement, and abuse. They can call you a liar, but if you defend yourself, you ought to be fired! I remember customers being complete bastards to an innocent worker, just because he's there, and he can't fight back, lest he gets in trouble. And the customer will tear the poor guy, or gal, a new one, then say they need compensation for all the anguish. After all, "the customer is always right", right?
Crap. The Customer used to be fooled they were right because the customer had the money. In the fifties, there was customer loyalties and no one gernerally took advantage of a store. Nowadays? I always see the same "righteous" customers trying anything to steal a deal. From quoting obviously erroneous labels (meat that is $.01 a pound than $1.00, an obvious human error), or just being jerks to get their way (let me speak to your manager! I want some kind of discount for MY time and gas wasted!)
And there is no customer loyalty. If a place sold the same item cheaper, no matter how much they might hate the store, they'll buy that there. This explains the power of the darkside that is Wal-mart.
I remember one time a customer wanted me to fire an employee because they wouldn't help her as they wanted to be helped. So I told her I would, right now, take care of it and THIS was the last straw!!! I took the employee to the back with the customer hanging around, a cheesy smile on her face, and the show began...
Employee: (slightly scared) ...am I in trouble?
Me: (lowering voice) Naaah... She wants me to fire you for you not doing what you're not paid to do. So, we're gonna put on a play for her, to get her the hell outta here. I'll start raising my voice then you can go on a brake. Get some Burgerville and relax. She's totally a bitch!
My employee starts to smile and wipe a tear, then I go through the angry manager routine. The door flies open and she exits in front of the crossed armed customer feigning a sob, as I say to get her things and "go home". I tell the customer I hope she's satisfied, and she says she is...
Whatta bitch! Just because her day has gone bad, she needs to vent on someone else that can't fight back. She's willing to make a stranger lose their way of livelihood, just for some sense of satisfaction! And you wonder why job turnover is so high!
The employee became that terrible customers broken shoelace.
Whats that? Lets say that you're a person that has a really bad day. The dog ate your wallet. You're out of waffles after you've had your heart set for that. Someone cuts you off on the freeway. Your boss blames you for something...
Then while tying your shoe, the shoelace brakes. THAT shoelace has become everything that has gone wrong that day and is so against you! That evil evil blacken bloodless shoelace! The shoe is out to get you, and this...is..the...last...straw!!! You toss your shoe with all your might and a mighty yell out your window, shattering the glass. Damn you, shoelace! You broke my window too!!!!! AAARRGGHHH!!!
And the same with that poor employee. They've become the unrelated focus of total human anger and frustration in society. And, it's always the poor employees. They can't defend themselves... How do you raise the morale and curb the attacks in the workplace when this is so rampant?
Here's the deal: All employees of retail establishments, store that directly cater to the public, accrue "release" days, much like you accrue sick and vacation days. Whats a "release" day? A government mandated free pass. You can bitch righ back to a customer, even have them forcibly escorted off the premises! Free and clear of any issues.
Of course you cant do anything against the law, but you can speak your mind and perhaps, customers knowing you might have quite a few of these days saved up, will treat you with some human respect.
Customer: What are you, stupid?
Employee: Well, you're a case of the clap! That's just rude to call me that! you can leave the store right now...
Customer: well! I never! Where's your manager!
Employee: What? Your pants are caught on a nail? Get him yourself! I have much more pleasant and respectful customers that can use my help.
Manager: What can I help you with Ms.
Customer: I am very upset. That cashier...
Employee: Using my "day"
Manager: ...Oh. I see...
Employee: I asked her to leave already...
Customer: Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted, this idiot...
Manager: Ma'am, I believe you were asked to leave. Do I have to call mall security?
Will this lose customers? Y'bet ya it will! The bad ones! If all you got were the good customers in your daily dealings, work will be enjoyable. You'll be happy to be there and help people. The good customers will be loyal customers, and they'll tell friends. And the moral in the entire world will be raised.
And the blue collar working class just trying to make a buck, will no longer be the bullied broken shoelace... 'Tis a dream I have...
You see, working in that industry, you constantly are "helping" customers that think you're there for their amusement, and abuse. They can call you a liar, but if you defend yourself, you ought to be fired! I remember customers being complete bastards to an innocent worker, just because he's there, and he can't fight back, lest he gets in trouble. And the customer will tear the poor guy, or gal, a new one, then say they need compensation for all the anguish. After all, "the customer is always right", right?
Crap. The Customer used to be fooled they were right because the customer had the money. In the fifties, there was customer loyalties and no one gernerally took advantage of a store. Nowadays? I always see the same "righteous" customers trying anything to steal a deal. From quoting obviously erroneous labels (meat that is $.01 a pound than $1.00, an obvious human error), or just being jerks to get their way (let me speak to your manager! I want some kind of discount for MY time and gas wasted!)
And there is no customer loyalty. If a place sold the same item cheaper, no matter how much they might hate the store, they'll buy that there. This explains the power of the darkside that is Wal-mart.
I remember one time a customer wanted me to fire an employee because they wouldn't help her as they wanted to be helped. So I told her I would, right now, take care of it and THIS was the last straw!!! I took the employee to the back with the customer hanging around, a cheesy smile on her face, and the show began...
Employee: (slightly scared) ...am I in trouble?
Me: (lowering voice) Naaah... She wants me to fire you for you not doing what you're not paid to do. So, we're gonna put on a play for her, to get her the hell outta here. I'll start raising my voice then you can go on a brake. Get some Burgerville and relax. She's totally a bitch!
My employee starts to smile and wipe a tear, then I go through the angry manager routine. The door flies open and she exits in front of the crossed armed customer feigning a sob, as I say to get her things and "go home". I tell the customer I hope she's satisfied, and she says she is...
Whatta bitch! Just because her day has gone bad, she needs to vent on someone else that can't fight back. She's willing to make a stranger lose their way of livelihood, just for some sense of satisfaction! And you wonder why job turnover is so high!
The employee became that terrible customers broken shoelace.
Whats that? Lets say that you're a person that has a really bad day. The dog ate your wallet. You're out of waffles after you've had your heart set for that. Someone cuts you off on the freeway. Your boss blames you for something...
Then while tying your shoe, the shoelace brakes. THAT shoelace has become everything that has gone wrong that day and is so against you! That evil evil blacken bloodless shoelace! The shoe is out to get you, and this...is..the...last...straw!!! You toss your shoe with all your might and a mighty yell out your window, shattering the glass. Damn you, shoelace! You broke my window too!!!!! AAARRGGHHH!!!
And the same with that poor employee. They've become the unrelated focus of total human anger and frustration in society. And, it's always the poor employees. They can't defend themselves... How do you raise the morale and curb the attacks in the workplace when this is so rampant?
Here's the deal: All employees of retail establishments, store that directly cater to the public, accrue "release" days, much like you accrue sick and vacation days. Whats a "release" day? A government mandated free pass. You can bitch righ back to a customer, even have them forcibly escorted off the premises! Free and clear of any issues.
Of course you cant do anything against the law, but you can speak your mind and perhaps, customers knowing you might have quite a few of these days saved up, will treat you with some human respect.
Customer: What are you, stupid?
Employee: Well, you're a case of the clap! That's just rude to call me that! you can leave the store right now...
Customer: well! I never! Where's your manager!
Employee: What? Your pants are caught on a nail? Get him yourself! I have much more pleasant and respectful customers that can use my help.
Manager: What can I help you with Ms.
Customer: I am very upset. That cashier...
Employee: Using my "day"
Manager: ...Oh. I see...
Employee: I asked her to leave already...
Customer: Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted, this idiot...
Manager: Ma'am, I believe you were asked to leave. Do I have to call mall security?
Will this lose customers? Y'bet ya it will! The bad ones! If all you got were the good customers in your daily dealings, work will be enjoyable. You'll be happy to be there and help people. The good customers will be loyal customers, and they'll tell friends. And the moral in the entire world will be raised.
And the blue collar working class just trying to make a buck, will no longer be the bullied broken shoelace... 'Tis a dream I have...
Friday, March 24, 2006
Casting the First Stone
I was driving to a doctors appointment, when I noticed on the median, a man with a sign saying he's a vet and asking for money. I do have a soft spot for the homeless, and for vets. I remember once a man coming up to me and asking for some money to keep his family in a hotel for a night. I gave him the money I had, leaving me none for the rest of the week.
I didn't see a family, and I doubt he was really gonna rent a room for them. If I were to house my family by begging random people for change, I'd have them nearby to gesture to as incentive. I'd even have the lil' ones shed a tear and say, "thankew mister..." Just like Cindy Brady. But, I actually felt good about what I did.
And, for the grace of God, I could be me someday... If it bought him a few hours of peace, I felt good about that. And I secretly hoped his family existed.
But, here I am seeing a man on the road with this sign.
Wasn't there a time when there was a more salesmanship nature to these signs? I seems to recall people selling oranges. Or working for food. Or Even wiping your car window. If it were my window he was wiping, that's a hell of a job! I'd spring for a happy meal for him and a pack of Wrigglies.
Then some thought s when through my mind as I was at the offramp. Where do these transients find the great marker and nicely cut cardboard for these signs?! When I need a sharpie, I'll search for hours and all I can find are dried up ones. Even at work, and I work at an Office supply store, I'm hard pressed to find a working marker. But these signs are written in beautiful cursive clear to read fonts! And they always have a nicely cut and clean piece of corrugated cardboard too. Ever try ripping off a perfect square of cardboard? You'll get the shape of Nevada everytime, a cubeish shape with a corner missing. Markers of that quality are very hard to come by...
And the clothes. They never seem very old at all. The Jeans this one guy was wearing was better than mine, and he had a cooler jacket and scarf than I. And, you never see two beggars fighting over a sweet panhandling spot, like the stop on a freeway. I wonder if there is a secret heirachy.
But, I've given this some thought, and I think I've come up with an answer to most of theses issues. Giving money to the homeless and carving a nice nitch for them in society.
Ever see someone in a taco costume or holding a sign for a new real estate place on a street corner, waving? Wouldn't it be better if you hired the homeless to do this job? They're already on the street, they know all the sweet spots, and the taco costume will make them warm! I don't know about you, but I'd be more open about giving money to a waving smiling man than someone depressed, squatting on a median. Not only would they make some money just for being where they are, but tips, and tacos too.
They would have a sign with "Taco Time! Open Now! (tips are appreciated, thx!)". They would probably make more money an hour than I.
People just have to treat one another with some thought, that's all...
I didn't see a family, and I doubt he was really gonna rent a room for them. If I were to house my family by begging random people for change, I'd have them nearby to gesture to as incentive. I'd even have the lil' ones shed a tear and say, "thankew mister..." Just like Cindy Brady. But, I actually felt good about what I did.
And, for the grace of God, I could be me someday... If it bought him a few hours of peace, I felt good about that. And I secretly hoped his family existed.
But, here I am seeing a man on the road with this sign.
Wasn't there a time when there was a more salesmanship nature to these signs? I seems to recall people selling oranges. Or working for food. Or Even wiping your car window. If it were my window he was wiping, that's a hell of a job! I'd spring for a happy meal for him and a pack of Wrigglies.
Then some thought s when through my mind as I was at the offramp. Where do these transients find the great marker and nicely cut cardboard for these signs?! When I need a sharpie, I'll search for hours and all I can find are dried up ones. Even at work, and I work at an Office supply store, I'm hard pressed to find a working marker. But these signs are written in beautiful cursive clear to read fonts! And they always have a nicely cut and clean piece of corrugated cardboard too. Ever try ripping off a perfect square of cardboard? You'll get the shape of Nevada everytime, a cubeish shape with a corner missing. Markers of that quality are very hard to come by...
And the clothes. They never seem very old at all. The Jeans this one guy was wearing was better than mine, and he had a cooler jacket and scarf than I. And, you never see two beggars fighting over a sweet panhandling spot, like the stop on a freeway. I wonder if there is a secret heirachy.
But, I've given this some thought, and I think I've come up with an answer to most of theses issues. Giving money to the homeless and carving a nice nitch for them in society.
Ever see someone in a taco costume or holding a sign for a new real estate place on a street corner, waving? Wouldn't it be better if you hired the homeless to do this job? They're already on the street, they know all the sweet spots, and the taco costume will make them warm! I don't know about you, but I'd be more open about giving money to a waving smiling man than someone depressed, squatting on a median. Not only would they make some money just for being where they are, but tips, and tacos too.
They would have a sign with "Taco Time! Open Now! (tips are appreciated, thx!)". They would probably make more money an hour than I.
People just have to treat one another with some thought, that's all...
Sunday, March 19, 2006
The New Voyages
I'm actually proud to be a geek.
No really. I see nothing to be ashamed of in being completely entertained by Sci-Fi, Star Trek, Star Wars, Comics, Cartoons, Dungeons & Dragons, and so forth. No, I don't walk about with a sword and a cape. No, I don't greet people with, "May the Force be with you." And, No, I practice good hygiene. But I have played D&D (hell, I was a tresurer in my high schools D&D club long ago!), and I do play online games, so I can say this with all ernestness...
As a sidebar, here's something of a golden rule I've noticed: It seems that a comic book stores quantity of merchandise is in direct relation to the pungency and lack of human hygiene. I used to co-own a comic shop before, I know this is a rule and not a guess. Go into any large mall based comic/gaming store, you'll see what I mean.
In the opening, it's well lit. There are casual shoppers and the usual mall goers. There are women of average disposition and counter people of normal weight. Now start to go deeper in the abyss. The room gets darker. Shelves get replaced with carboard long boxes on card tables. You'll start to see no one of the fairer sex and the shoppers are now wearing dirty jeans and baseball caps. The backpacks are getting bigger and the voices more shrill.
Finally in the back of the store, the smell of BO rises so much, your eyes start to water. Someone is caring a staff with a jewel on top and a hat with a logo like "I'd rather be fighting a level 50 Chromatic Dragon". You'll see in a dark lit corner a case full of magic cards and a few guys with armor class 2 acne, an aura of sweat pungency, a person as tall as he is wide wearing a cloak, all arguing on "mana" use. Test me out, and know the truth.
But back to what I'm here about. Back in the 60's there was Star trek the Original Series. There's was a five year mission, but the show only lasted 3 seasons. A group of uber fans got together and corrected this historical oversite: They are making the final two years themselves!
Now, most fan films show such bad acting, writing, and 100% amaturish and egotistical effort. Not the people who make Star Trek: The New Voyages. These people not only spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of ther own monet rebuilding the sets from scratch to a exact replica, but also getting the original writers and some of the original actors involved for free! Even Gene Roddenberry's son is an exectutive producer, and the million dollars worth of special effects are done volentarily from the SFX guys on the current Star Trek shows, not gratis! It seems the only people not involved is Paramount Pictures. But part of all? It's all free baby! Every quality one hour episode is free to download. (mainly because if they were to sell it, the Paramount lawyers would sue faster that a tyberian bloodbat...to geeky?)
The actors who portray Captian Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy and others chose the right note. They are not imitating the original actors, but do the part as if the roles were recast. What Batman would you play? The Adam West? Michael keaton? George Clooney? Or, Christian Bale? Quite frankly, they handle themselves all quite well. The episodes (about one a year, hey, it's all work without pay!), are on par if not better than the orginal series. the special effects are astounding on a free budget, and much better than most on TV! And just a note, the sets were so good, Star Trek: Enterprise borrowed the pieces for their "In a Mirror, Darkly" episode.
In the future, not only is the orginal series "Troubles with Tribbles" writer, David Gerrold writing two episodes, including a sequal to the Tribbles he originaly envisionsed for the original series, but the original Checkov, Sulu, and Janice Rand are on board. (Don't worry if you don't know who they are, you will.)
So, All you Trek fans out there, or even anyone who remembers the original series, I emplore you to check these guys out. Download the episode "In Harms Way", sit back with some popcorn, and wonder why TV isn't like this nowadays.
(i'd post a pic here, but my blogger is having problems...go to the site)
Star Trek: The New Voyages
The episodes and "In Harms Way"
No really. I see nothing to be ashamed of in being completely entertained by Sci-Fi, Star Trek, Star Wars, Comics, Cartoons, Dungeons & Dragons, and so forth. No, I don't walk about with a sword and a cape. No, I don't greet people with, "May the Force be with you." And, No, I practice good hygiene. But I have played D&D (hell, I was a tresurer in my high schools D&D club long ago!), and I do play online games, so I can say this with all ernestness...
As a sidebar, here's something of a golden rule I've noticed: It seems that a comic book stores quantity of merchandise is in direct relation to the pungency and lack of human hygiene. I used to co-own a comic shop before, I know this is a rule and not a guess. Go into any large mall based comic/gaming store, you'll see what I mean.
In the opening, it's well lit. There are casual shoppers and the usual mall goers. There are women of average disposition and counter people of normal weight. Now start to go deeper in the abyss. The room gets darker. Shelves get replaced with carboard long boxes on card tables. You'll start to see no one of the fairer sex and the shoppers are now wearing dirty jeans and baseball caps. The backpacks are getting bigger and the voices more shrill.
Finally in the back of the store, the smell of BO rises so much, your eyes start to water. Someone is caring a staff with a jewel on top and a hat with a logo like "I'd rather be fighting a level 50 Chromatic Dragon". You'll see in a dark lit corner a case full of magic cards and a few guys with armor class 2 acne, an aura of sweat pungency, a person as tall as he is wide wearing a cloak, all arguing on "mana" use. Test me out, and know the truth.
But back to what I'm here about. Back in the 60's there was Star trek the Original Series. There's was a five year mission, but the show only lasted 3 seasons. A group of uber fans got together and corrected this historical oversite: They are making the final two years themselves!
Now, most fan films show such bad acting, writing, and 100% amaturish and egotistical effort. Not the people who make Star Trek: The New Voyages. These people not only spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of ther own monet rebuilding the sets from scratch to a exact replica, but also getting the original writers and some of the original actors involved for free! Even Gene Roddenberry's son is an exectutive producer, and the million dollars worth of special effects are done volentarily from the SFX guys on the current Star Trek shows, not gratis! It seems the only people not involved is Paramount Pictures. But part of all? It's all free baby! Every quality one hour episode is free to download. (mainly because if they were to sell it, the Paramount lawyers would sue faster that a tyberian bloodbat...to geeky?)
The actors who portray Captian Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy and others chose the right note. They are not imitating the original actors, but do the part as if the roles were recast. What Batman would you play? The Adam West? Michael keaton? George Clooney? Or, Christian Bale? Quite frankly, they handle themselves all quite well. The episodes (about one a year, hey, it's all work without pay!), are on par if not better than the orginal series. the special effects are astounding on a free budget, and much better than most on TV! And just a note, the sets were so good, Star Trek: Enterprise borrowed the pieces for their "In a Mirror, Darkly" episode.
In the future, not only is the orginal series "Troubles with Tribbles" writer, David Gerrold writing two episodes, including a sequal to the Tribbles he originaly envisionsed for the original series, but the original Checkov, Sulu, and Janice Rand are on board. (Don't worry if you don't know who they are, you will.)
So, All you Trek fans out there, or even anyone who remembers the original series, I emplore you to check these guys out. Download the episode "In Harms Way", sit back with some popcorn, and wonder why TV isn't like this nowadays.
(i'd post a pic here, but my blogger is having problems...go to the site)
Star Trek: The New Voyages
The episodes and "In Harms Way"
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Top o' The Marnin' To Ya!
It seems that the luck of the Irish escapes me.
I was involved in an bad car accident on the way to the doctors yesterday. I don't think wearing green would have helped. And the whole thing is as stupid as a Hilary Duff career.
I was driving to a specialist in Portland, with my MRI films in hand. I get close to the doctor, when he calls me and says that he needs me to get the originals from my original practitioner, as the radiologists films I picked up, probably isn't the original films.
So I drive back to Vancouver, another 14 miles, when a big bad dump truck decides he wants to occupy the space my car currently resides on the highway.
Like an angry drunk leprechan with a mac truck sized shelighly, the truck merges it's front end into my back sidepanel and bumper. I remember thinking, "What the hell was that smack?! Did someone hit me?"... that thought was cut short as this was only the beginning...
Much like a police car tapping a escaping suspect in a car, that back end blow send my car into a spin. And, the truck, just now becoming aware that the right hand lane had a small geo metro hits me again on the drivers side sinding me into a faster counterclockwise spin. The inside of my car becomes a tossed salad as I go skittering across the 3 lane highway. All I remember was seeing trucks and cars spinning passed me, and be being incredibly upset at what just happened.
Most people panic, or cry, or are scared in these moments. I was absolutly pissed off at the truck driver, at the day, at the fact that my radio didn't work anymore, at the fact that Bush is still president, the fact that Pauly Shore somehow makes movies, at the fact that the driver was probably wearing green.
I now tell people, when you hear I play video games and first person shooters, I don't even wanna hear crap about that ever again. That "childish hobby" saved my life. I flew with such force, I was volted backwards over the median into the oppiosite oncoming traffic. Using my "mad skilz", I was able to fight the steering on the car to make the vehicle fly backwards through two trees on the median, and weave backwards through the traffic without hitting anyone. Finally coming to rest on the curbside 6 lanes away.
After hobbling to the truck driver with his apologies, collecting info, and the greatly apprciated help, I was able to bend back the metal from my car and clean the broken glass, amazingly...it still starts! It was like droping and egg from a building and it lands unscathed! The Geo Metro is pretty much considered the dixie cup of cars, the utimate of total body crumple zone. And my little blue shuttle landed like a olympic gymnast with a perfect routine!
And now, the irish irony: Seems that I did have the original, and only, films on me to begin with, I didn't need to go to back to vancouver to pick up anything.
So, I go to an emergency room (the 4rd separate doctor i've seen today), and after waiting so long that, i witnessed small children grow to adulthood and old people wither, I see the Doctor...
No wait...it's the physicians assitiant. Thats like the getto of medical practitioners. A nurse usualy has more experience and training than a PA. I say, If I have to see a guy who couldn't even become a doctor, I shouldn't have to pay "real doctor" prices. Thats like seeing a dentist, and because the doc is busy, the receptionist pulls your tooth.
Heres his 10 minute examination: Where does it hurt. Put your hands up. Put your hands behind your back. Touch your toes. Walk. You're okay. You're going to be in great pain tomarrow. You'll be okay for work here's some heavy narcotics. B'bye.
He even examined the wrong wrist and leg. When I told him that, he just grunted and left. No mention that my blood pressure was as high as a frightened humming bird. That my knee joint snaps like a rattling pair of dice. The nurse that came in to give my prescription was 100 times better, as she examined me at the right areas, asked the right questions, give me a week off of work and readjusted my meds when I told here the PA sucked balls. Not literally, but you know what I mean. After all, he was just a PA...
So here I am, bandaged, banged up, near immobile, and on heavy meds. But, I can't help but feel...lucky...
Considering what might have been. I'm alive. My car still runs. No fractures other than multiple dislocations and a hairline, bruses and minor cuts. Work was understanding. And If I want to be positive about this, I have a weekend off finally.
So people, my St. Pattys day motto is, go practice your mad skilz on some video games. As many as you can do. It might save your life one day.
Never drank a drop yesterday, but I feel like I have the worlds worst hangover today!
Top O' tha Marnin' to YA!!
I was involved in an bad car accident on the way to the doctors yesterday. I don't think wearing green would have helped. And the whole thing is as stupid as a Hilary Duff career.
I was driving to a specialist in Portland, with my MRI films in hand. I get close to the doctor, when he calls me and says that he needs me to get the originals from my original practitioner, as the radiologists films I picked up, probably isn't the original films.
So I drive back to Vancouver, another 14 miles, when a big bad dump truck decides he wants to occupy the space my car currently resides on the highway.
Like an angry drunk leprechan with a mac truck sized shelighly, the truck merges it's front end into my back sidepanel and bumper. I remember thinking, "What the hell was that smack?! Did someone hit me?"... that thought was cut short as this was only the beginning...
Much like a police car tapping a escaping suspect in a car, that back end blow send my car into a spin. And, the truck, just now becoming aware that the right hand lane had a small geo metro hits me again on the drivers side sinding me into a faster counterclockwise spin. The inside of my car becomes a tossed salad as I go skittering across the 3 lane highway. All I remember was seeing trucks and cars spinning passed me, and be being incredibly upset at what just happened.
Most people panic, or cry, or are scared in these moments. I was absolutly pissed off at the truck driver, at the day, at the fact that my radio didn't work anymore, at the fact that Bush is still president, the fact that Pauly Shore somehow makes movies, at the fact that the driver was probably wearing green.
I now tell people, when you hear I play video games and first person shooters, I don't even wanna hear crap about that ever again. That "childish hobby" saved my life. I flew with such force, I was volted backwards over the median into the oppiosite oncoming traffic. Using my "mad skilz", I was able to fight the steering on the car to make the vehicle fly backwards through two trees on the median, and weave backwards through the traffic without hitting anyone. Finally coming to rest on the curbside 6 lanes away.
After hobbling to the truck driver with his apologies, collecting info, and the greatly apprciated help, I was able to bend back the metal from my car and clean the broken glass, amazingly...it still starts! It was like droping and egg from a building and it lands unscathed! The Geo Metro is pretty much considered the dixie cup of cars, the utimate of total body crumple zone. And my little blue shuttle landed like a olympic gymnast with a perfect routine!
And now, the irish irony: Seems that I did have the original, and only, films on me to begin with, I didn't need to go to back to vancouver to pick up anything.
So, I go to an emergency room (the 4rd separate doctor i've seen today), and after waiting so long that, i witnessed small children grow to adulthood and old people wither, I see the Doctor...
No wait...it's the physicians assitiant. Thats like the getto of medical practitioners. A nurse usualy has more experience and training than a PA. I say, If I have to see a guy who couldn't even become a doctor, I shouldn't have to pay "real doctor" prices. Thats like seeing a dentist, and because the doc is busy, the receptionist pulls your tooth.
Heres his 10 minute examination: Where does it hurt. Put your hands up. Put your hands behind your back. Touch your toes. Walk. You're okay. You're going to be in great pain tomarrow. You'll be okay for work here's some heavy narcotics. B'bye.
He even examined the wrong wrist and leg. When I told him that, he just grunted and left. No mention that my blood pressure was as high as a frightened humming bird. That my knee joint snaps like a rattling pair of dice. The nurse that came in to give my prescription was 100 times better, as she examined me at the right areas, asked the right questions, give me a week off of work and readjusted my meds when I told here the PA sucked balls. Not literally, but you know what I mean. After all, he was just a PA...
So here I am, bandaged, banged up, near immobile, and on heavy meds. But, I can't help but feel...lucky...
Considering what might have been. I'm alive. My car still runs. No fractures other than multiple dislocations and a hairline, bruses and minor cuts. Work was understanding. And If I want to be positive about this, I have a weekend off finally.
So people, my St. Pattys day motto is, go practice your mad skilz on some video games. As many as you can do. It might save your life one day.
Never drank a drop yesterday, but I feel like I have the worlds worst hangover today!
Top O' tha Marnin' to YA!!
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
...And the Oscar Goes Too...
What a limp line.
(attaching the old scraggy beard to my chin and the chewin' tabaccy...)
I remember a time when the Oscars ment something! When you annouced the "winner" of the naked golden guy, and not try to sugar coat the fact that someone lost. The actors would still get upset by not winning the award, why change the line to "and the oscar goes too..". I think the more dramatic way would be having them all stand on stage them eliminate the losers one at a time. Better yet, let a clown with a broom slap/escort them off stage while the orchestra plays the music from The Price is Right when they chose the wrong price.
When they get to the last two, it's a sweatoff! Maybe even have them do stunts to see who really wins! Who can pluck a hen faster? How many eggs can Dame Judi Dench eat? Now there's a broadcast!
I don't know about you, but watching Jessica Alba and Uma Thurman speed eating hotdogs hanging from strings in three minutes, is a private dream of mine.
But really, winning an Oscar really mans nothing. It's a popularity contest and a publishers dream. Gerorge Clooney won't be winning an Oscar for Best Picture or anything, so "the academy" will throw him a bone and give him Best Supporting Actor. That's how it works. Negotiation.
Brokeback can't win more than "x" amount of Oscars, so Crash will win Best Picture. Doesn't it make sense that if a movie wins best director, actor, score, editing, writing, and catering, that that means it is the best picture? I saw Crash. I considered suing Blockbuster for wasting my time.
John Stewart was excellent as always, but Hollywood has no sense of humor and they don't like the jokemaking. What about Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, and others, you say? Well, Steve Martin and Billy Crystal have a backlog of movies, don't they? Could be that some people in the audience might someday want to be in a production of a future movie by theses guys.
"well, I'd hire you for the lead, but as I recall, you didn't find my joke about the three cinematographers in a bar, very humorous in the 1987 Academy Awards... I don't think I can work with anyone that doesn't understand where I'm coming from."
John Stewart has only done Half Baked, and Death to Smoochy.
I think the audience thought it was safe to show distain.
Oh, I like the theme to this years Oscars: DVD's suck donkey. Thats all anyone talked about. How astounding the thee-ay-tah experience was and watching a DVD of that same movie was like a kick to the batch by a twitchy goat. Then having that same goat take a crap on you while you're in a fetal position.
Some quick takes:
Michelle Williams. My God, she looked fantastic! Nothing like the "dawson" days!
All the men. Can they get together and purchase a norelco shaver?
George Clooney. Told it like it was baby! The Academy is the hidden evil!
Lauren Bacall. Seemed like she had an attack of Altzimers. I know it was a teleprompter problem, but the Film Noir tribute was reduced to, "uh...uh...uh..."
Did I mention Michelle Williams?
The broadcast compelled me to take all my DVD's and throw them in a bonfire while carving the face of Jack Velenti into my forehead.
The fact that the rappers who won best original song was more excited and genuine that the Hollywood establishment. It is tough to be a pimp!
Will Farrell and Steve Carell! Best Makeup presentation ever!
The point where wild jackels jumped Ryan Seacrest and draged him off behind the stands to feed their young. Okay, not really, but I can dream, can I?
And there was Michelle Williams. She needs to lose the dork on her arm.
The hotdog eating. and the pancake brakefast William Macy always hosts afterwards. He knows how to flip a mean waffle.
If only my DVR worked like it was supposed to, I could really tell you how the Oscars went...
(attaching the old scraggy beard to my chin and the chewin' tabaccy...)
I remember a time when the Oscars ment something! When you annouced the "winner" of the naked golden guy, and not try to sugar coat the fact that someone lost. The actors would still get upset by not winning the award, why change the line to "and the oscar goes too..". I think the more dramatic way would be having them all stand on stage them eliminate the losers one at a time. Better yet, let a clown with a broom slap/escort them off stage while the orchestra plays the music from The Price is Right when they chose the wrong price.
When they get to the last two, it's a sweatoff! Maybe even have them do stunts to see who really wins! Who can pluck a hen faster? How many eggs can Dame Judi Dench eat? Now there's a broadcast!
I don't know about you, but watching Jessica Alba and Uma Thurman speed eating hotdogs hanging from strings in three minutes, is a private dream of mine.
But really, winning an Oscar really mans nothing. It's a popularity contest and a publishers dream. Gerorge Clooney won't be winning an Oscar for Best Picture or anything, so "the academy" will throw him a bone and give him Best Supporting Actor. That's how it works. Negotiation.
Brokeback can't win more than "x" amount of Oscars, so Crash will win Best Picture. Doesn't it make sense that if a movie wins best director, actor, score, editing, writing, and catering, that that means it is the best picture? I saw Crash. I considered suing Blockbuster for wasting my time.
John Stewart was excellent as always, but Hollywood has no sense of humor and they don't like the jokemaking. What about Steve Martin, Billy Crystal, and others, you say? Well, Steve Martin and Billy Crystal have a backlog of movies, don't they? Could be that some people in the audience might someday want to be in a production of a future movie by theses guys.
"well, I'd hire you for the lead, but as I recall, you didn't find my joke about the three cinematographers in a bar, very humorous in the 1987 Academy Awards... I don't think I can work with anyone that doesn't understand where I'm coming from."
John Stewart has only done Half Baked, and Death to Smoochy.
I think the audience thought it was safe to show distain.
Oh, I like the theme to this years Oscars: DVD's suck donkey. Thats all anyone talked about. How astounding the thee-ay-tah experience was and watching a DVD of that same movie was like a kick to the batch by a twitchy goat. Then having that same goat take a crap on you while you're in a fetal position.
Some quick takes:
Michelle Williams. My God, she looked fantastic! Nothing like the "dawson" days!
All the men. Can they get together and purchase a norelco shaver?
George Clooney. Told it like it was baby! The Academy is the hidden evil!
Lauren Bacall. Seemed like she had an attack of Altzimers. I know it was a teleprompter problem, but the Film Noir tribute was reduced to, "uh...uh...uh..."
Did I mention Michelle Williams?
The broadcast compelled me to take all my DVD's and throw them in a bonfire while carving the face of Jack Velenti into my forehead.
The fact that the rappers who won best original song was more excited and genuine that the Hollywood establishment. It is tough to be a pimp!
Will Farrell and Steve Carell! Best Makeup presentation ever!
The point where wild jackels jumped Ryan Seacrest and draged him off behind the stands to feed their young. Okay, not really, but I can dream, can I?
And there was Michelle Williams. She needs to lose the dork on her arm.
The hotdog eating. and the pancake brakefast William Macy always hosts afterwards. He knows how to flip a mean waffle.
If only my DVR worked like it was supposed to, I could really tell you how the Oscars went...
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