Fear and Drunkenness in Vegas (part 1)

PART ONE: the Vegas Curse

There are many kinds of drunken attitudes. When people drink and get inebriated, inhibitions drop and they become something else. There are happy drunks that like to hug. There are lonely drunks that'll call you at 4am to tell you. "I love ya, man...". There are stumbling drunks that just pass out and you can then write rude things on them with a magic marker.

This is a story of an annoyingly stupid drunk.

My first trip to Las Vegas was with my workers at Pizzamania when I was 22. We paid for two days three nights for gamblin' and, well, just gamblin'. We all flew in already with a few drinks in us from the flight. I don't drink much becuase I become the most uninteresting drunk, the bypass-drunk. I just get a headache and hangover instantly. If I socially drink, it's two margeritas, three tops.

So, we land we land in Vegas, and we get our roommates for our suites at the Excalabur. Mine is a co-worker named Doug, a large-ish surfer looking dude with a Metalica/Motorhead fetish. And we go off for a day of losing hard earned cash. But this isn't a tale of slots and blackjack..It's a tale about drunkenness...

We get to our rooms at midnight after being up and active since 5am. My boss, Bill gets the bright idea that we should go to a Dance club called the Shark Club he was told about by a cab driver. I don't dance, and I'm very shy, but the others convince me I should go and try to have a good time. So we pile into a cab and off we go to a building at the end of the strip with a giant neon shark and tons of cabs with patrons piling out into the loud music arena.

So, I sit at the bar and watch from there, and I probably look as pathetic and out of place as I feel. The others are drinking and dancing like white guys. Every now and then they go back to the bar and order a drink, as does Doug...You remember him, right? Before they finish the drinks, they go back out to dance some more with the hot chicks when the muse takes them. But Doug is very thirsty, and he sees no problem just finishing the drinks that the others abandoned. I see this happening quite a bit, and the others see this, and decide to play a trick on him, they start ordering stronger, bigger, and more drinks to leave behind, knowing that Doug has never been drunk before in his life. Teach him a lesson, as it were...

Dougs a big guy. He was a big thirst. And he's now downing 5 shot glasses each time. He's getting loud and drunk, as he marching in place on the dance floor out of synch and yelling at the top of his lungs, "WoooOOOOOOOoooooooo!!!!"

How did he get so smashed and not know it? Then I see. Each time he want back out to the dance floor, he passes by other tables, each with half empty drinks. Abandoned drinks. On the last pass, he swallows a shallow liquid and then spits out the cigarettes that was crushed in it. Then continues to finish the glass. The Barkeep asks if that we take him home now, as he's cut off, and we see him lapping up a spilt drink on the bar counter.

Guess which one of us is sober enough for this task?

"Mike, you gotta take Doug back to the hotel."

So I grab Doug by the meaty arm. "Time to go, Doug..."

"with a slurred cackle, "NO! NO! Thirsty. wanna dance s'more!"

"So we spin in circles as he attempts to stumble out onto the dance floor and I whirl him towards the exit. All the while sucking out the liquid of any glass nearby. Even those who's owners are still at the table. With a hefty yank, I get his 280 lbs carcass to the foyer before anyone takes a poke at him. He probably wouldn't feel it right now anyway.

I see the taxi lines up ahead! It's almost over! Doug whispers in a breath that could peel paint, that he has to go pee, so I shove him into the bathroom, after he says he can do this alone.
Five minutes later, he being escorted out by two guys. His pants are around his ankles.

"...Are you Mike?" one of them says. I nod, thinking perhaps I should have lied .

"Your friend here, fell in the trough" Doug looks wet and starts to slurringly cackle-laugh again.

I should have lied, we're not even home yet...

(end of part one)