Children are Lying Little Bastards

Yes, they are, and I stand by that!

Everyone says that children are so precious and innocent, they don't know how to lie. Well, snap out of your dream bubble, because, brother, do they...and know how manipulate people as well.

It seems children gain this skill at an early age, and start to lose it around the 8 years of age range. Right from birth, they start to test everyone. Test limitations. Test what they can do to get what they want. Morals? Fugetabout it! From right out of the birth canal, they start to cry. Crying gets them something. Then the amazing human brain makes it's first idea: If I create the right stimuli, I can get whatever I want! Cry for a bottle. Cry for attention. Cry if your hungry. Parents think their baby is just wanting to be loved. Not exactly, it's just wanting. I've known parents who come at the ebbing of a childs cry, and that baby will cry non-stop for a parent to rush into a room, hold them, feed them, etc These are also the same children that are still breast feeding in their teens. I've also know parents who will ignore the babys selfish demands, and the baby will eventually sleep soundly.

I know some may still think, an innocent baby cant be devious.

I witnessed a baby at a store in a cart. The baby was quiet until he saw something he wanted, then the sound of a shreeking child permiates the air: the mom immediatly gives the baby what he wanted...and he stops crying...until he sees something else he wants. I also saw the baby look around for his mom before he started up. No sense wasting a good scream if it doesnt get you anything.

Need more proof?

I was once working in a toy store, and I enter an aisle with a small child there. This child is unattended and tearing into a package. He sees me, and after a look of guilt, quietly and without fuss, hands me over the package without me asking anything! He knew what he did was wrong, and he was caught. I said thank you to him...I was also being set up.

The parents come about the corner and the child sees them...and SCREAMS bloodly murder at the top of his lungs! Mouth totally unhinged! Spittle flying everywhere. His parents ask whats wrong, did someone do something to you? And what does this "innocent" child who doesnt know the meaning of lying do?

He points to me. Crying like I killed his puppy.

His dad rips the package out of hands and hands that, and a few other things to calm the child and bitches me out! This gentle lad cons his parents and makes me ther fall guy in one swoop! He of course, gets a bunch of toys and forgets he's supposed to continute crying instead of being happy about his devious plan, but the parents are oblivious...just like he planned.

Need more?

Another job. Fred Meyers, I was watching a child of 6 with a video game in his hand start to wander out of the securety area calling "Mom? Mom?" Like his mother vanished and he's looking for her now. He walks behind a clothing rack and then I see him pull out a Target bag from his pants and place the game in that! The evil genius! He's like the pre-Dr. Doom! Well played, my tiny friend, well played!

That reminds me of a story Bill Cosby told about his daughter. Children lie like a cheap rug naturally. He once told his daughter that she cant have any cookies on the top cabinet. He sees her go to the cabinet when she thinks he isn't looking, grab a chair, and climb up to stick her hand in the cookie jar:

Bill: What are you doing young lady?!
Daughter: (hand in jar) ...nothing...
Bill: What did I just tell you?!
Daughter: You said I cant have a cookie...
Bill: Whats that cookie doing in your hand then?
Daughter: (long pause, think think think) ............I got it for you....
Bill: I don't want a cookie.
Daughter: ...Well then can I have it?

What does this prove? Lying is human nature, honesty is learned and worked for. Thats why I charish my honest relationships of friends. they've aquired the skill that separated them from the evils that men do, seemingly from birth.