The Funniest Thing I Ever Saw at Disneyland

I love Disneyland. It's my perfect happy place. I used to go there almost everyday, with one of those passports, when "passport" ment something. When there were ticket books and the passport people were special.

I'd go there to eat lunch, draw people, or just look around and unwind. I'd know when something changed on a attraction, when there was fresh paint, and when to avoid the churros just my smelling them from afar. I would feel the surroundings and forget my day...

And this is where I saw the funniest thing I ever saw.

One day, I was tooling about Disneyland and happened upon a small birthday part in Fantasyland. These are nice affairs with human sized costumed characters dancing about and giving out hugs. Now, there is a official commandment from Walt himself: NO actor (employee) shall never be see in public without the full costume.

Ever. On pain of death, I believe. Costumes ripped or missing a glove, you don't leave the cast area. Period. There are secret Disney police for this that hop out of the shadows, inject you with pixie dust, and "re-condition" you in case this ever happens.

Anyway, this was a Winnie the Pooh party for some 2-3 year olds. And everyone was having a good time. There was Eeyore, Tigger, and Pooh dancing about in a small circle, tra-la-la...

Then, all my hopes and dreams of a unfortunate circumstance happened, and I was there to bare witness to the spectacle. Cuz, y'see, like I said before: If somehing terrible happends to you, that's tragedy. When it happens to someone else, that's comedy.

Tragi-comedy exploded when on a dancing turn, Eeyore slipped on some random cake slice with those big metal shod, stupid feet. He when down like a shot duck! And then the wonderful happened...

His head flew off.

Instantly, all hell broke lose! Pooh and Tigger, like trained swat, dogpiled on Eeyore to cover his head. Pin him down but good and covered the exposed humans head with there furry bodies. They then quickly and without being gentle, dragged human-head Eeyore to the now opening backdrop and away from the public. Those Disney goons respond fast!

After a breath of a pause, the ear splitting screaming and crying of 12 children start up, and I bust out laughing, wishing I to God had a camera.

Do you know what those children saw?! A dancing mule, bear, and tiger, all of a sudden pouncing on the mule, violently, a head flying away, and the bear and tiger dragging their be-headed prey back into the lair to finish the job. Those kids just witnessed the food chain...live!

Happy birthday, Youngsters! See Pooh maul a donkey! You cant get better entertainment than this, unless you're in the wild! Those poor kids will be in therapy for life.

"Mommy! Mommy!! Why did Tigger kill Eeyore! *sob*" "Did they eat Eeyore?!" "Is Pooh bad?"

As the frazzled moms and attendants tried to calm the children down with a sing-a-long, out came a maintenance worker. He walked over to the bushes, fished out the now dead-eyed head of a gray mule, and walked backstage with it.

And the crying began anew. Ah, the Circle of Life! Live...At Disneyland!

As my birthday comes up, it tickles me to think of this day. Maybe I'll go to a Chucky Cheese, and see what happens.

Like I said, Disneyland forged the best memories from me. Even working at Disney Animation, the perk was the park pass.

When I die, I hope to have my ashes spread about the park. I know they wouldn't take to kindly on that, and the street sweepers are diligent, so I came up with a plan. Place my ashes inside a crutch. Pop that rubber stopper on that puppy. Pretend to have a foot injury and walk into the park. Unstop the crutch and sprinkle to taste!

Maybe a anamorphic animal will slip on me, and behead himself in a parade route. That would be awesome.

Happy Birthday to me!