Things that annoy me for February

I know, I know...

I don't have my annoy list for January. With all the hassle of moving and getting cable and stuff, I didn't have time. But, that didn't mean I wasn't annoyed!

1) Guys who wear buck knives on their belts while shopping: What is it with these good ol' boys with workboots, beer ponches, and suspenders that they need to got to a wal-mart with a 6 inch bowie knife on their belt? Do they think they're bound to be attacked by a grizzly in the juice aisle? Sometimes, it's a little bitty knife. Still prominent on their belt in a lil' leather sheath. Something so small, it couldn't defend against a twig. Are they expecting trouble and then whip out the 2 inch blade from the scabbard of Thundercats with a "Ah-HA! Have at you! I see the advantage is mine!"

Saw a guy branish his knife at a market counter to cut out a coupon! There were sissors right there, but he had to go all "woodsman" on the $1.00 off Ragu.

And while I'm at it...

2) Those same guys with huge-ass belt buckles. Enough hardware to stop a hail of bullets attached to their fly. Be it the typical mac truck, or a "chick magnet" of a skull and crossbones. Why? I don't think the bigger the buckle, the more girls they can pick up. Please if any girls gets hot over the sheet metal hanging below a stomach in the shape of a vehicle or cougar, let me know. Seriously, I need to know why. From what I can assume and observed, the bigger the gut, the larger the buckle must be to hold the tonnage, minimize the lack of a chest, and simulate a real butt and waist.

3) Bluetooth wireless earpieces. This is all the rage. Having an ornamental electronic era 70's earring that can talk to you. What the hell? I mean, they already have a very portable wireless phone. Is the strain of holding that up to your ear too much in today's society? Do you receives calls 24/7 so you absolutely need to be jacked-in at all times? Can you not just take that earpiece out until you get a call? It's like walking everywhere with a stein in case a beer fountain brakes out somewhere.

"Oh, but wireless phones can give you cancer!" What about a tiny powerful earpiece in your head that transmits those same waves to your head? Are you worried about other sat-com signals? Wireless routers? Microwaves? Wi-Fi laptops? Live near powerlines? If you're so worried about your health, stop the smoking, and get yourself a pager.

Just take that silly indian turquoise bauble out and use a real earphone.

Speaking of stiens...

4) Rappers who walk about in public with bejeweled goblets. Is this supposed to convey affuence and cultured presence? I think a better idea would be a gigantic pope-like golden hat or platinum pantaloons. How much liquid does those things hold anyway? Doesn't the gold taint the flavor? When it's low on the juice, does a posse member have a big can of V-8 and a can opener nearby for a quick refill? I would think that the rapper in question would have either cottonmouth or curse with bladder control problems due to all the beverages he must down in public. Nothing is more silly than trying to take a big gulp of a golden cup, with nothing it in. Come to think of it, you rarely see them actually drink from that.

And, who washes the goblet out? I can't see them placing it on the top rack of a dishwasher nor taking a bottlebrush to it.

6) Airlines overselling seats. How can you oversell seats? If you have 200 seats on a plane, you sell 200 tickets! That's not even math. Then they have the gaul to ask for volunteers to give up their seat. If I sold the same used car to three people, took their money, then told two of them "i'm keeping the money, but both of you are next when I sell another car...", thats called fraud!

7) Oh. And moving.