I am so sick today.
Somedays, my illnesses are a bit more than tolerable. But, luckily, if you can call this "lucky", it only feels like a bad case of the flu. Well, it's not so much a flu then a bad cold. No, not "cold", it's the "Crud". From the insane migranes to the stomach cramps, to the near passing out. Makes work almost fun! Yes. I haven't taken a day off.
I don't plan too either. I've got too much to do in my new place, and no time to do it. I can't afford to take a day off (In fact, I've been using my vacation days as an addition paid day each week, due to the cutting of hours at work).
So, here I am sitting at home all wrapped up, not siphoning enough energy to do much, and thinking. That's always dangerous...
I don't think I need to talk about Dick Cheney shooting a fellow huntsman while attacking quail. But, something is bothering me. It's how Dick actually hunts.
From what was reported, here's how our Vice President is a rifleman. He gets woken up at his private bungalow with a continental breakfast, then his car picks him up and drives him to a field! DRIVES him to the quail! Where does the driver know where the quail is? The small pen of cramped and scared birds in the middle of the field is a dead giveaway. These birds, who the president will be "sporting" about and kill, were raised to be shot, and then kept in a cage, awaiting to be let out to be blasted with a wide area cone of buckshot at close range.
It would be more sporting to try to catch the birds by hand as they flew free. But, a shotgun is more manly I guess. And I suppose that the limpless rabbits staked down to the ground for bludgeoning didn't arrive in time.
Then theres the fact he shot a friend instead. Does his friend resemble a bird, and he thought, "Damn! That's a big one! That's gotta be juicy in meh tummy!" Cuz, as far as I can figure, the only way to be shot instead of a flying quail is, you cheated, and tried to shot the birds while still in the ground cage and your buddy was too close.
Other reasons:
1) You're the worlds lousiest shooter and blind as a bat...
2) You're pal is actually an evil robot from the future, and only by killing the octogenarian can the human race survive...
3) Your huntsmate was accidentally "peppered" while flapping his arms and flying about...
4) You're totally stoned as you and your partner share a doobie. He starts to wonder if being shot in the face "would be awesome!"...
5) That bastard was getting more birds than you and must be stopped!
Personally, I think number two.
I didn't know why the animated movie "Ice Age" bothered me so much with a feeling of dread. Then I finally reasoned because I subconscious realized that all these wonderful characters, will soon be dead from...the ice age! What a serious bummer. And now it's "Ice Age 2", and I don't know if I can take the impending doom. I wanna laugh dammit, and all I can see it a wooly mammoth with Ray Ramanos voice being eaten by Eskimos a millennium later.
I'm hormonal. It must be near my period...
On my way to work I saw something I have never seen before.
A teenage wearing a bowler hat. And he wasn't wearing it to be "different" or "hip", he obviously wore it because it suited him. Nice hat too. It fit, and he was wearing a typical jacket, jeans and nikes. Just like Mike Nesbith of the Monkees wore that wool cap, I admired that kid tremendously because he wore what he wanted, not what society said he should, or shouldn't.
Was he a fan of Patrick McNee and the British Avengers? Did he follow the cultness of the film, A Clockwork Orange? No. He was just a guy with a bowler hat being watch by a guy wearing a very bland baseball cap. And, I took my hat off to him.
He's going places, him and his hat... while i'm racing to the bathroom again.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Things that annoy me for February
I know, I know...
I don't have my annoy list for January. With all the hassle of moving and getting cable and stuff, I didn't have time. But, that didn't mean I wasn't annoyed!
1) Guys who wear buck knives on their belts while shopping: What is it with these good ol' boys with workboots, beer ponches, and suspenders that they need to got to a wal-mart with a 6 inch bowie knife on their belt? Do they think they're bound to be attacked by a grizzly in the juice aisle? Sometimes, it's a little bitty knife. Still prominent on their belt in a lil' leather sheath. Something so small, it couldn't defend against a twig. Are they expecting trouble and then whip out the 2 inch blade from the scabbard of Thundercats with a "Ah-HA! Have at you! I see the advantage is mine!"
Saw a guy branish his knife at a market counter to cut out a coupon! There were sissors right there, but he had to go all "woodsman" on the $1.00 off Ragu.
And while I'm at it...
2) Those same guys with huge-ass belt buckles. Enough hardware to stop a hail of bullets attached to their fly. Be it the typical mac truck, or a "chick magnet" of a skull and crossbones. Why? I don't think the bigger the buckle, the more girls they can pick up. Please if any girls gets hot over the sheet metal hanging below a stomach in the shape of a vehicle or cougar, let me know. Seriously, I need to know why. From what I can assume and observed, the bigger the gut, the larger the buckle must be to hold the tonnage, minimize the lack of a chest, and simulate a real butt and waist.
3) Bluetooth wireless earpieces. This is all the rage. Having an ornamental electronic era 70's earring that can talk to you. What the hell? I mean, they already have a very portable wireless phone. Is the strain of holding that up to your ear too much in today's society? Do you receives calls 24/7 so you absolutely need to be jacked-in at all times? Can you not just take that earpiece out until you get a call? It's like walking everywhere with a stein in case a beer fountain brakes out somewhere.
"Oh, but wireless phones can give you cancer!" What about a tiny powerful earpiece in your head that transmits those same waves to your head? Are you worried about other sat-com signals? Wireless routers? Microwaves? Wi-Fi laptops? Live near powerlines? If you're so worried about your health, stop the smoking, and get yourself a pager.
Just take that silly indian turquoise bauble out and use a real earphone.
Speaking of stiens...
4) Rappers who walk about in public with bejeweled goblets. Is this supposed to convey affuence and cultured presence? I think a better idea would be a gigantic pope-like golden hat or platinum pantaloons. How much liquid does those things hold anyway? Doesn't the gold taint the flavor? When it's low on the juice, does a posse member have a big can of V-8 and a can opener nearby for a quick refill? I would think that the rapper in question would have either cottonmouth or curse with bladder control problems due to all the beverages he must down in public. Nothing is more silly than trying to take a big gulp of a golden cup, with nothing it in. Come to think of it, you rarely see them actually drink from that.
And, who washes the goblet out? I can't see them placing it on the top rack of a dishwasher nor taking a bottlebrush to it.
6) Airlines overselling seats. How can you oversell seats? If you have 200 seats on a plane, you sell 200 tickets! That's not even math. Then they have the gaul to ask for volunteers to give up their seat. If I sold the same used car to three people, took their money, then told two of them "i'm keeping the money, but both of you are next when I sell another car...", thats called fraud!
7) Oh. And moving.
I don't have my annoy list for January. With all the hassle of moving and getting cable and stuff, I didn't have time. But, that didn't mean I wasn't annoyed!
1) Guys who wear buck knives on their belts while shopping: What is it with these good ol' boys with workboots, beer ponches, and suspenders that they need to got to a wal-mart with a 6 inch bowie knife on their belt? Do they think they're bound to be attacked by a grizzly in the juice aisle? Sometimes, it's a little bitty knife. Still prominent on their belt in a lil' leather sheath. Something so small, it couldn't defend against a twig. Are they expecting trouble and then whip out the 2 inch blade from the scabbard of Thundercats with a "Ah-HA! Have at you! I see the advantage is mine!"
Saw a guy branish his knife at a market counter to cut out a coupon! There were sissors right there, but he had to go all "woodsman" on the $1.00 off Ragu.
And while I'm at it...
2) Those same guys with huge-ass belt buckles. Enough hardware to stop a hail of bullets attached to their fly. Be it the typical mac truck, or a "chick magnet" of a skull and crossbones. Why? I don't think the bigger the buckle, the more girls they can pick up. Please if any girls gets hot over the sheet metal hanging below a stomach in the shape of a vehicle or cougar, let me know. Seriously, I need to know why. From what I can assume and observed, the bigger the gut, the larger the buckle must be to hold the tonnage, minimize the lack of a chest, and simulate a real butt and waist.
3) Bluetooth wireless earpieces. This is all the rage. Having an ornamental electronic era 70's earring that can talk to you. What the hell? I mean, they already have a very portable wireless phone. Is the strain of holding that up to your ear too much in today's society? Do you receives calls 24/7 so you absolutely need to be jacked-in at all times? Can you not just take that earpiece out until you get a call? It's like walking everywhere with a stein in case a beer fountain brakes out somewhere.
"Oh, but wireless phones can give you cancer!" What about a tiny powerful earpiece in your head that transmits those same waves to your head? Are you worried about other sat-com signals? Wireless routers? Microwaves? Wi-Fi laptops? Live near powerlines? If you're so worried about your health, stop the smoking, and get yourself a pager.
Just take that silly indian turquoise bauble out and use a real earphone.
Speaking of stiens...
4) Rappers who walk about in public with bejeweled goblets. Is this supposed to convey affuence and cultured presence? I think a better idea would be a gigantic pope-like golden hat or platinum pantaloons. How much liquid does those things hold anyway? Doesn't the gold taint the flavor? When it's low on the juice, does a posse member have a big can of V-8 and a can opener nearby for a quick refill? I would think that the rapper in question would have either cottonmouth or curse with bladder control problems due to all the beverages he must down in public. Nothing is more silly than trying to take a big gulp of a golden cup, with nothing it in. Come to think of it, you rarely see them actually drink from that.
And, who washes the goblet out? I can't see them placing it on the top rack of a dishwasher nor taking a bottlebrush to it.
6) Airlines overselling seats. How can you oversell seats? If you have 200 seats on a plane, you sell 200 tickets! That's not even math. Then they have the gaul to ask for volunteers to give up their seat. If I sold the same used car to three people, took their money, then told two of them "i'm keeping the money, but both of you are next when I sell another car...", thats called fraud!
7) Oh. And moving.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Drunken Rage on the Internet
With my moving now done, I can now…unpack! Ugh…
But as I do, I'll go ahead and tell you another quick tale from my Internet customer support files.
The subject of this page is a very real incident while I was working technical support for a free mp3 player product. The company and program was MusicMatch. We used to get tons of bizarre emails, which I shared a couple recently, but this one stands out because I was able to see the whole story of a very dysfunctional family in action through the magic of the internet, through a stream of several emails...
Share with me the moments, won't you?
(the spelling and punctuations were kept the same without corrections; and my comments are in italics. I have changed or omitted last names and actual email addresses)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/13/01 3:03:53pm
I"M ready to broadcast to the net, that you "Fuck paying customers!
your relationshp with DFX, is a negitive
fix this shit add on, or I will make it known, "You are a ripp off!"
Thank you in advance
Drop fucking dead please.
p.s. PlLEASE! don"t as me what"s wrong, since you know so much, and care about me, so you claime!
Your problem is with DFX, and so is your loyal customers!
Jon you more on"s!
(…now, DFX is an add on purchased from another company that can add an equalizer to may mp3 player programs, including MusicMatch, so he's barking up the wrong tree to begin with. I do appreciate the thanking in advance that we drop dead, and he asked so nicely with a "please". As you will see later, this guy wasn't even "Jon" at all, but we're a bunch of "more ons" so what do we know? Apparently "so much"...Read on...)
(the next day, i found this email, which raised the email beyond the typical ramblings of a madman:)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/14/01 12:38:54am
Hi;
First off I want to appologize to everyone at Tech Support. It seems during a party here at my place, an opinion was offered up to you people by a very intoxicated person. I have no idea what the content was, becuase there was no record of it on my system. I was told my my would-be helpful friend that he 'told you people off!"
It's my fault really. When I couldn't get DFX to work, and said a few things I probably shouldn't have. My friend took it upon himself to relay my feelings, for which i am sorry. I've point out to him that "MusicMatch has nothing to do with DFX."
Please accept my apology on both our behalf
Thanks in advance
Jon
(Who doesn’t like a fall down drunken party at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? that was the time of the first letter. Boy, this guy knows how to pick his friends. Getting an apology for an angry outburst is very rare indeed, but getting the actual guy who made the outburst to apologize as well, that’s very very unique...we got this 5 hours later)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/14/01 5:11:12am
Good Morning
This is Jon's uncle Rick. Jon told me he emailed you apologizing for my drunken outburst yesterday to you people. I felt I should be the one to say I'm sorry, and I am. I don't remember what I said, just being mad. I know this is no excuse for being rude or blame you people, but my nephew has bought a lot of junk off the net, nost that never works or works lousy. When he told me the MusicMatch thing wasn't working after buying the upgrade, I guess I blew my top. I raise Jon most of life and I hate it when the kid gets ripped off. I now know the problem has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. And once again, i'm sorry for the whole mess.
I promise to never behave that way again with you folks or anyone else
Rick
P.S. Please don't hold anything against Jon, he had nothing to do with this
(Who here doesn't think that the fact that Uncle Rick can get so drunk at family get togethers, that he doesn't remember anything?
Look! Ricks here! And he's been drinking! Lock up the guns, the women, and the cat! And you better unplug the phone in case he has a beef with someone. It seems Rick has a past with "apologies" a lot for the love of the warm smooth hooch.
At least when he's sober, he uses apostrophes properly. Does this mean we don't have to drop dead after all? The customer IS always right, you know. Perhaps, we should call social services to Jons house?)
(We here at MusicMatch felt bad for Jon having a drunken ass as an Uncle, so we sent this...)
To: Jcook@bell.net From Responding Agent: Bruce David
Date Sent: 4/14/01 8:17:01pm
Hello Jon;
We've received all your other e-mails and it's not a problem at all, we've all been there.
What is the problem exactly with the DFX we can help you with?
Regards,
Bruce
(…and now the capper... Jons last reply...)
To: "Bruce" From: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: technical support
Date Recieved: 4/15/01 4:41:55am
No, I don't think anyone else but DFX can help my problem
Thanks for your patients with my uncle. He's not well, and isn't supposed to mix alcohol with his med's
Jon
But as I do, I'll go ahead and tell you another quick tale from my Internet customer support files.
The subject of this page is a very real incident while I was working technical support for a free mp3 player product. The company and program was MusicMatch. We used to get tons of bizarre emails, which I shared a couple recently, but this one stands out because I was able to see the whole story of a very dysfunctional family in action through the magic of the internet, through a stream of several emails...
Share with me the moments, won't you?
(the spelling and punctuations were kept the same without corrections; and my comments are in italics. I have changed or omitted last names and actual email addresses)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/13/01 3:03:53pm
I"M ready to broadcast to the net, that you "Fuck paying customers!
your relationshp with DFX, is a negitive
fix this shit add on, or I will make it known, "You are a ripp off!"
Thank you in advance
Drop fucking dead please.
p.s. PlLEASE! don"t as me what"s wrong, since you know so much, and care about me, so you claime!
Your problem is with DFX, and so is your loyal customers!
Jon you more on"s!
(…now, DFX is an add on purchased from another company that can add an equalizer to may mp3 player programs, including MusicMatch, so he's barking up the wrong tree to begin with. I do appreciate the thanking in advance that we drop dead, and he asked so nicely with a "please". As you will see later, this guy wasn't even "Jon" at all, but we're a bunch of "more ons" so what do we know? Apparently "so much"...Read on...)
(the next day, i found this email, which raised the email beyond the typical ramblings of a madman:)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/14/01 12:38:54am
Hi;
First off I want to appologize to everyone at Tech Support. It seems during a party here at my place, an opinion was offered up to you people by a very intoxicated person. I have no idea what the content was, becuase there was no record of it on my system. I was told my my would-be helpful friend that he 'told you people off!"
It's my fault really. When I couldn't get DFX to work, and said a few things I probably shouldn't have. My friend took it upon himself to relay my feelings, for which i am sorry. I've point out to him that "MusicMatch has nothing to do with DFX."
Please accept my apology on both our behalf
Thanks in advance
Jon
(Who doesn’t like a fall down drunken party at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? that was the time of the first letter. Boy, this guy knows how to pick his friends. Getting an apology for an angry outburst is very rare indeed, but getting the actual guy who made the outburst to apologize as well, that’s very very unique...we got this 5 hours later)
To: ted@ musicmatch.net from: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: tech support request
Date recieved: 4/14/01 5:11:12am
Good Morning
This is Jon's uncle Rick. Jon told me he emailed you apologizing for my drunken outburst yesterday to you people. I felt I should be the one to say I'm sorry, and I am. I don't remember what I said, just being mad. I know this is no excuse for being rude or blame you people, but my nephew has bought a lot of junk off the net, nost that never works or works lousy. When he told me the MusicMatch thing wasn't working after buying the upgrade, I guess I blew my top. I raise Jon most of life and I hate it when the kid gets ripped off. I now know the problem has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. And once again, i'm sorry for the whole mess.
I promise to never behave that way again with you folks or anyone else
Rick
P.S. Please don't hold anything against Jon, he had nothing to do with this
(Who here doesn't think that the fact that Uncle Rick can get so drunk at family get togethers, that he doesn't remember anything?
Look! Ricks here! And he's been drinking! Lock up the guns, the women, and the cat! And you better unplug the phone in case he has a beef with someone. It seems Rick has a past with "apologies" a lot for the love of the warm smooth hooch.
At least when he's sober, he uses apostrophes properly. Does this mean we don't have to drop dead after all? The customer IS always right, you know. Perhaps, we should call social services to Jons house?)
(We here at MusicMatch felt bad for Jon having a drunken ass as an Uncle, so we sent this...)
To: Jcook@bell.net From Responding Agent: Bruce David
Date Sent: 4/14/01 8:17:01pm
Hello Jon;
We've received all your other e-mails and it's not a problem at all, we've all been there.
What is the problem exactly with the DFX we can help you with?
Regards,
Bruce
(…and now the capper... Jons last reply...)
To: "Bruce" From: jcook@bell.net Subject: re: technical support
Date Recieved: 4/15/01 4:41:55am
No, I don't think anyone else but DFX can help my problem
Thanks for your patients with my uncle. He's not well, and isn't supposed to mix alcohol with his med's
Jon
Monday, February 13, 2006
A Long Time for a Short Distance Traveled
Well, i'm 85% done moving.
One week later, and I finally have my internet up and running...Obviously, eh?
I am also without any money for two weeks. And my City of Heroes account expired minutes before my internet was installed. As per usual, my luck once again murky. If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
Took three attemps from cable just to get here! Twice they forgot to bring a modem. And they wont just let you go down to the office and get one. It has to be "professionally" installed. Lord knows I cant figure out how to screw in a coaxial.
Lets see...
First, I had a blowout on the freeway going 65 at 5:30 am. My drivers side front tire had a hole the size of a fist! I pull out my donut to install, only to find out that's flat too. I call a tow truck to give me a hand, and 1 hour later and $45 poorer, I'm on my way. So then I get to a tire place and he gives me a good deal on some tires. I say tires, cuz, the mechanic recommended I replace the passenger side tire too. It was showing the threading, so I thought this was a good idea.
I have to say, it was a bargain at $47 for two tires. yep, they were used, but the treads were still good.
So that was Friday. Sunday I race home from work to once again move more stuff from my old apartment to the new one, when...BOOM! Another blowout. This time on the passenger side where I had that optional tire replaced. No problem. I have a repaired and inflated donut to replace the tire. Jack placed? Check. Hubcap removed? Check. Tire on standby? Check. Lug wrench?
Lug wrench? Luuuug WRENCH????
...That bastard mechanic forgot to place back my lug wrench.
My cell phone battery is dead, so I walk 4 miles to a deli, only to find that the phone is broken. Well, not totally. I could hear the tow truck guy, he just couldn't hear me. And that was all the change I had on me. The guy behind the counter has mercy on me and lets me use his phone.
So 3 hours later, a 4 mile march back, and another $45, I'm on a donut again. And it's too late to move anything. My moving time is running out...
So, here I am. Penniless and moving freight from 7am to 1am when I'm not working. Someday I'll be done and I can actually relax. I hate moving. I like pizza though. Too bad I cant afford it. I'll try some bread and ragu with a processed cheese slice and see it that fools me.
later on this week, I'll post all the thoughts I've had and couldn't post earlier. I'll even try to post pics of my place. Hope you all had a better week than I have.
eww... that "pizza" didn't fool me...
One week later, and I finally have my internet up and running...Obviously, eh?
I am also without any money for two weeks. And my City of Heroes account expired minutes before my internet was installed. As per usual, my luck once again murky. If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
Took three attemps from cable just to get here! Twice they forgot to bring a modem. And they wont just let you go down to the office and get one. It has to be "professionally" installed. Lord knows I cant figure out how to screw in a coaxial.
Lets see...
First, I had a blowout on the freeway going 65 at 5:30 am. My drivers side front tire had a hole the size of a fist! I pull out my donut to install, only to find out that's flat too. I call a tow truck to give me a hand, and 1 hour later and $45 poorer, I'm on my way. So then I get to a tire place and he gives me a good deal on some tires. I say tires, cuz, the mechanic recommended I replace the passenger side tire too. It was showing the threading, so I thought this was a good idea.
I have to say, it was a bargain at $47 for two tires. yep, they were used, but the treads were still good.
So that was Friday. Sunday I race home from work to once again move more stuff from my old apartment to the new one, when...BOOM! Another blowout. This time on the passenger side where I had that optional tire replaced. No problem. I have a repaired and inflated donut to replace the tire. Jack placed? Check. Hubcap removed? Check. Tire on standby? Check. Lug wrench?
Lug wrench? Luuuug WRENCH????
...That bastard mechanic forgot to place back my lug wrench.
My cell phone battery is dead, so I walk 4 miles to a deli, only to find that the phone is broken. Well, not totally. I could hear the tow truck guy, he just couldn't hear me. And that was all the change I had on me. The guy behind the counter has mercy on me and lets me use his phone.
So 3 hours later, a 4 mile march back, and another $45, I'm on a donut again. And it's too late to move anything. My moving time is running out...
So, here I am. Penniless and moving freight from 7am to 1am when I'm not working. Someday I'll be done and I can actually relax. I hate moving. I like pizza though. Too bad I cant afford it. I'll try some bread and ragu with a processed cheese slice and see it that fools me.
later on this week, I'll post all the thoughts I've had and couldn't post earlier. I'll even try to post pics of my place. Hope you all had a better week than I have.
eww... that "pizza" didn't fool me...
Thursday, February 02, 2006
...And Now Time For The Punchline...
Just to prove that life mocks me.
As you might recall, I was in the process of moving, or at least trying to. Had tons o' trouble trying to get a place. And my landlady forgot to get me an apartment. Promised it to me, and to someone else, and took their money. Leaving me SOL.
I was depressed. I really started to like the new apartment. Walked through the place. Imagined where I'd put the furniture. And now someone else will be living there. I decided to spend the money I saved for the move to pay bills, buy an enormous pie, etc. It was gonna be a long three months.
Now the punchline: The landlady called today. The gentleman caller who would be moving in, decided today, he didn't want the place after all. She said I could have it now. Thanks. Do I have to move in now?! I was going to request a week off of work. Install cable. It was all planned then scraped. And now I have one day to put all those plans back into place? Thanks a damn much! I'm told I should be happy.
Back to packing again. I wonder if I'll get a call tomorrow from the landlady telling me she made another mistake and the guy actually moved in.
But I did have the biggest laugh all week today.
I have a boss, Chris, at my work. And he's a certified dumbass. He's not evil or malicious, just the worst assistant manager I've ever known. Some people cant sing no matter how many lessons they take, Some people like Chris cant manage anyone, no matter how many "10 minute" manager books you read. He's the kind of guy who uses the word "opportunity" when discussing a problem area. Daily sales are low? No! That's an Opportunity to do better! Oh, and making "challenges". Challenge. Opportunity. Stupid acronyms for simple things. This is someone who needs to work at home stuffing envelopes and stop giving be a migraine.
Anyway, today he outdid himself in the field of mismanagement. I used to manage, and I know how to balance it. How to make your employees the priority. Make them happy, and all the rest is gravy. But Corporate-boy Chris...
He was running himself (and us) ragged. I was helping out at a register when a woman came in and wanted to pay with a credit card not her own. She said it was her sons, and I had no reason to disbelieve her. But, I still needed a managers okay.
Chris came over totally hyper and shakey from the pressure. And inspected the card.
The woman said, " that's my sons. He's in the car outside because he's...."
"Lazy?!" snapped Chris looking annoyed... The air stilled. The woman's features turned to stone. And she fired with the deadliest bullet.
"no. Handicapped..."
Oh Snap!! Down came the curtain and people in the audience started gathering their things and placing trash in the proper receptacles as they exited. Match and point! Foot in mouth successful! Thank you! Goodnight! People in line had to walk away from that train wreck. I had to bite my fist to stop my quickly spreadling smile when I saw the ashen look on my managers face and the blood drained away. He slunk away and spent the entire evening in the office
When you have the front row seat on seeing your boss humiliated, maybe I did have a good day after all!
As you might recall, I was in the process of moving, or at least trying to. Had tons o' trouble trying to get a place. And my landlady forgot to get me an apartment. Promised it to me, and to someone else, and took their money. Leaving me SOL.
I was depressed. I really started to like the new apartment. Walked through the place. Imagined where I'd put the furniture. And now someone else will be living there. I decided to spend the money I saved for the move to pay bills, buy an enormous pie, etc. It was gonna be a long three months.
Now the punchline: The landlady called today. The gentleman caller who would be moving in, decided today, he didn't want the place after all. She said I could have it now. Thanks. Do I have to move in now?! I was going to request a week off of work. Install cable. It was all planned then scraped. And now I have one day to put all those plans back into place? Thanks a damn much! I'm told I should be happy.
Back to packing again. I wonder if I'll get a call tomorrow from the landlady telling me she made another mistake and the guy actually moved in.
But I did have the biggest laugh all week today.
I have a boss, Chris, at my work. And he's a certified dumbass. He's not evil or malicious, just the worst assistant manager I've ever known. Some people cant sing no matter how many lessons they take, Some people like Chris cant manage anyone, no matter how many "10 minute" manager books you read. He's the kind of guy who uses the word "opportunity" when discussing a problem area. Daily sales are low? No! That's an Opportunity to do better! Oh, and making "challenges". Challenge. Opportunity. Stupid acronyms for simple things. This is someone who needs to work at home stuffing envelopes and stop giving be a migraine.
Anyway, today he outdid himself in the field of mismanagement. I used to manage, and I know how to balance it. How to make your employees the priority. Make them happy, and all the rest is gravy. But Corporate-boy Chris...
He was running himself (and us) ragged. I was helping out at a register when a woman came in and wanted to pay with a credit card not her own. She said it was her sons, and I had no reason to disbelieve her. But, I still needed a managers okay.
Chris came over totally hyper and shakey from the pressure. And inspected the card.
The woman said, " that's my sons. He's in the car outside because he's...."
"Lazy?!" snapped Chris looking annoyed... The air stilled. The woman's features turned to stone. And she fired with the deadliest bullet.
"no. Handicapped..."
Oh Snap!! Down came the curtain and people in the audience started gathering their things and placing trash in the proper receptacles as they exited. Match and point! Foot in mouth successful! Thank you! Goodnight! People in line had to walk away from that train wreck. I had to bite my fist to stop my quickly spreadling smile when I saw the ashen look on my managers face and the blood drained away. He slunk away and spent the entire evening in the office
When you have the front row seat on seeing your boss humiliated, maybe I did have a good day after all!
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