The Things We've Left Behind

Well, it's a new year, I haven't written anything in a while, and it's once again time to remunerate, reflect, and actually see whats been going on in the new year...and the fall out of last.

I guess the biggest thing to start out with is that right now...i'm actually happy. And no, not selfish happy, smug happy, had a good poop happy, or artificial happy. I'm genuinly in a place that I never thought i'd be in right now, and it's pure.

Am I rich? no. But I've made a huge leap into seeing whats really important to me. Am I successful? No. But I can see a pathway I'd like to explore. Am I in love? That's an easy one: Yeah. And this time, I can see what was all the downfalls from before, and it seems so simple right now.

I had a wonderful Christmas and I spent it with my best friends. I had quite a time getting presents to all of them, since my previous work sent my checks to the wrong house and refused to fix it until the new year. But I loved the spirit of giving, and braved to angry shoppers to get what I thought, was perfect gifts for all of them. Even though they themselves said I didn't have to buy them anything. Come'on. When you have people as good as that, that are as close as family, you NEED to get them something!

And I love seeing reactions from people. I'm a born people watcher. I sometimes sit in a mall with Christine and watch couples, trying to see if I can tell who they are by the little clues people subconsciously give off. I think I'm unusually accurate, actually.

My mom told me once I was too insensitive. I think that if you you know me, You'd know what a huge joke that is. I am so hypersensitive, I can tell if someone is depressed from across the street. I need to relax more, I think.

Anyway, it's been quite a year: I lost a good friend that I thought I'd have for the rest of my life. I lost a long relationship. I lost my home and job. I lost my way.

And now that you've read that, you can now delete it. Because that isn't at all important. And that's what I've gained.

My lost friend? She is in crisis mode and I'll be here for her when she needs me, however long it takes. That's what me being a friend is about, and that's more than okay. Lost relationship? It was very unhealthy and in months I have so grown into a very strong person and fantastic individual. I feel like I've been reborn. And I've found someone who not only cares about me, but respects exactly who I am and doesn't take me for granted.

More importantly: I make her as happy as she does me. What else can anyone ever hope for in life?

Job? Home? Possessions? Phfft!!!!

I have a job now that I Like, (and isn't retail). I have a place to call home, in fact I have two. (I don't even watch TV anymore because my life is just to interesting now). And I've learned you can take everything away from me, and I've really lost nothing at all.

And, I've found my faith in myself. Now that is a great gift I didn't expect, and I actually gave that to me. A second good gift would be a Wii, so if anyone needs to feel as good as I do, feel free to indulge in that!

So I've left a lot of things behind, and it made room for the good stuff.