'Kay, there's his guy at my work that thinks everything he says or does is funny. Most annoying thing is the "funny voices" he thinks he masters. All it makes me do is get a mild migraine and cause me to attempt to pinch my eyes together.
Anyway, someone somewhere happens to say, "hey, hey hey". And it's like a Pavlov's dog trigger. Out comes this horrendous Fat Albert imitation.
A gravelly horse voice says, "hey, hey, hey! Fat Albert is here to save the day!"
And like magic, I burst a blood vessel.
Lets leave alone the fact that that was the worst imitation of any cartoon character from the 70's ever attempted. I just wondering how a 400 pound morbidly obese 14 year old is going to save the day. I can probably speculate one thing he never saves: leftovers. And I would also suggest a throat doctor. No one the south side of puberty should have a voice like a chronic smoking grandma.
Hang on, I'm getting off topic. What I really waned to talk about was my weight loss.
Whatta pain in the ass. It's almost easier, and so much cheaper, to be fat!
Painting a picture. Ever since high school, I was overweight. I could eat a whole large pizza and a half and still eat more. I think I topped at 245. My total record was 265 pounds...and that was two years ago. I used to have to have pants cuffed, because they didn't have size 42 pants with a 30 inseam. Used to have to shop in the "huskies" section of Sears. (At least Sears was kind enough to perpetuate my comfort level of my dimensions my making the chubby clothes have such a rugged name!)
As of today, I'm 175 pounds and 18% body fat.
Honestly, how did THAT happen?!
Fad diets? Special foods? Exercise vids? weight loss pills? Nope, none of those.
I went to a gym, ate only when I was hungry, and had diabetes. Thats is it. I lost 60 pounds, lowered my blood pressure, and almost eliminated my diabetes in three months eating corndogs and diet coke. I ate ice cream, pizza, you name it. And I am now at my target weight.
And it sucks!
Do you know how much it cost more to eat healthy? Buying smaller portions of food instead of bulk rate? I had to buy new pants every two weeks, and now I have to by smaller form fitting shirts. I'm also cold more often that I used to be. I feel like a shivering chiwawa when theres a breeze. Being healthy is costing me a fortune.
And it takes forever to shop for food. I now read all the labels. Sodium content. Sugar content. And theres good AND bad cholesterol. I'm in the middle of a cholesterol war and I don't even know how it started! Can't we all just shake hands and slowly clot my arteries as friends?
Right now I'm looking at a drawer of oversize clothes I can't wear anymore, unless I want to follow my dream of being a white gangsta rapper. All I can save are the socks, and thats not fair. I think if the government wants America to not be an overweight nation, they should at least buy you new clothes when you reach your target weight. I shouldn't have to borrow a shirt from a girl if i want to go out and not look like I spontaneously deflated.
Maybe I'll go out right now and get a pie. Either that or drill a new hole on my belt to keep my pants up.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
The Things We've Left Behind
Well, it's a new year, I haven't written anything in a while, and it's once again time to remunerate, reflect, and actually see whats been going on in the new year...and the fall out of last.
I guess the biggest thing to start out with is that right now...i'm actually happy. And no, not selfish happy, smug happy, had a good poop happy, or artificial happy. I'm genuinly in a place that I never thought i'd be in right now, and it's pure.
Am I rich? no. But I've made a huge leap into seeing whats really important to me. Am I successful? No. But I can see a pathway I'd like to explore. Am I in love? That's an easy one: Yeah. And this time, I can see what was all the downfalls from before, and it seems so simple right now.
I had a wonderful Christmas and I spent it with my best friends. I had quite a time getting presents to all of them, since my previous work sent my checks to the wrong house and refused to fix it until the new year. But I loved the spirit of giving, and braved to angry shoppers to get what I thought, was perfect gifts for all of them. Even though they themselves said I didn't have to buy them anything. Come'on. When you have people as good as that, that are as close as family, you NEED to get them something!
And I love seeing reactions from people. I'm a born people watcher. I sometimes sit in a mall with Christine and watch couples, trying to see if I can tell who they are by the little clues people subconsciously give off. I think I'm unusually accurate, actually.
My mom told me once I was too insensitive. I think that if you you know me, You'd know what a huge joke that is. I am so hypersensitive, I can tell if someone is depressed from across the street. I need to relax more, I think.
Anyway, it's been quite a year: I lost a good friend that I thought I'd have for the rest of my life. I lost a long relationship. I lost my home and job. I lost my way.
And now that you've read that, you can now delete it. Because that isn't at all important. And that's what I've gained.
My lost friend? She is in crisis mode and I'll be here for her when she needs me, however long it takes. That's what me being a friend is about, and that's more than okay. Lost relationship? It was very unhealthy and in months I have so grown into a very strong person and fantastic individual. I feel like I've been reborn. And I've found someone who not only cares about me, but respects exactly who I am and doesn't take me for granted.
More importantly: I make her as happy as she does me. What else can anyone ever hope for in life?
Job? Home? Possessions? Phfft!!!!
I have a job now that I Like, (and isn't retail). I have a place to call home, in fact I have two. (I don't even watch TV anymore because my life is just to interesting now). And I've learned you can take everything away from me, and I've really lost nothing at all.
And, I've found my faith in myself. Now that is a great gift I didn't expect, and I actually gave that to me. A second good gift would be a Wii, so if anyone needs to feel as good as I do, feel free to indulge in that!
So I've left a lot of things behind, and it made room for the good stuff.
I guess the biggest thing to start out with is that right now...i'm actually happy. And no, not selfish happy, smug happy, had a good poop happy, or artificial happy. I'm genuinly in a place that I never thought i'd be in right now, and it's pure.
Am I rich? no. But I've made a huge leap into seeing whats really important to me. Am I successful? No. But I can see a pathway I'd like to explore. Am I in love? That's an easy one: Yeah. And this time, I can see what was all the downfalls from before, and it seems so simple right now.
I had a wonderful Christmas and I spent it with my best friends. I had quite a time getting presents to all of them, since my previous work sent my checks to the wrong house and refused to fix it until the new year. But I loved the spirit of giving, and braved to angry shoppers to get what I thought, was perfect gifts for all of them. Even though they themselves said I didn't have to buy them anything. Come'on. When you have people as good as that, that are as close as family, you NEED to get them something!
And I love seeing reactions from people. I'm a born people watcher. I sometimes sit in a mall with Christine and watch couples, trying to see if I can tell who they are by the little clues people subconsciously give off. I think I'm unusually accurate, actually.
My mom told me once I was too insensitive. I think that if you you know me, You'd know what a huge joke that is. I am so hypersensitive, I can tell if someone is depressed from across the street. I need to relax more, I think.
Anyway, it's been quite a year: I lost a good friend that I thought I'd have for the rest of my life. I lost a long relationship. I lost my home and job. I lost my way.
And now that you've read that, you can now delete it. Because that isn't at all important. And that's what I've gained.
My lost friend? She is in crisis mode and I'll be here for her when she needs me, however long it takes. That's what me being a friend is about, and that's more than okay. Lost relationship? It was very unhealthy and in months I have so grown into a very strong person and fantastic individual. I feel like I've been reborn. And I've found someone who not only cares about me, but respects exactly who I am and doesn't take me for granted.
More importantly: I make her as happy as she does me. What else can anyone ever hope for in life?
Job? Home? Possessions? Phfft!!!!
I have a job now that I Like, (and isn't retail). I have a place to call home, in fact I have two. (I don't even watch TV anymore because my life is just to interesting now). And I've learned you can take everything away from me, and I've really lost nothing at all.
And, I've found my faith in myself. Now that is a great gift I didn't expect, and I actually gave that to me. A second good gift would be a Wii, so if anyone needs to feel as good as I do, feel free to indulge in that!
So I've left a lot of things behind, and it made room for the good stuff.
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