Book of Regrets

Life is supposed to be funny, happy, easy, and safe.

Most of the times, is scary and sad. A crazy place where it seems all you do is hurt people.

I guess it's like that so when the safe times come, we appreciate it more. Or is it simply the worm on the hook: being that chicken on a skillet, ready to dance for someone Else's entertainment. I don't honestly know... But I do know this.

I know of a girl who's heart is braking. And there is nothing I can do.

I can't give any advice, because I truly don't have any answers. The variables make sense, and they all spell salvation or doom. And anyway you look at it, someone will end up broken and shattered.

I know this girl with a unique (or maybe not...) problem: She loves two guys, and she must choose one. The longer she can't decide, pains her so much, it makes me cry for her. She's dying inside, and whatever she chooses, someone looses.

Does she go with her older boyfriend: who is sweet and comforting, and has been loyal and safe. He's open emotionally, almost to an annoyingly fault. The one who gives her feelings of relevance, and importance. Who's love is so strong, it scares her at times. Or, does she brake up with him for the old flame that rolled back into her world. He one true love or her life that she always missed. He's the brash arrogant one, who hides his emotions and keeps her faults checked and humbled? He's exciting and vibrant, and doesn't scare her with talk of passion and love.

One represents order, the other controlled chaos. One quiet peace, the other, lusty conflict. Yin and Yang...

She says she needs to see about the "what ifs". What if she can get back together with this flame? Sacrifice the "what is", for a gamble that he may love her back with the same quiet intensity that her old boyfriend does...

But, I've found that Life is a series of "what ifs". It's a book of regrets. Every decision you make creates a pick-a-path of immense complications. You need to learn that you can't chase every what if, and live a life worth living. Your unchosen paths are like a burning wake that must be left behind, so you can go further...

I understand she's afraid that her relationship with her cast off boyfriend may take away her younger years, him being such older, it'll make her need to accept responsibilities and grow up. Perhaps faster than she should, destroying a childhood that will never happen. perhaps he'll die long before she will, leaving a wife and child to raise a family fatherless. Perhaps he'll never change, as she grows and evolves. Perhaps she's not ready to think about a future.

I understand she's afraid of the old flame, giving up her guaranteed love for a chance that he may profess his, someday. But she'll have the luxury of not growing up, and having to take on the world of ugly adult responsibilities. She would be able to hide any feelings and emotions and not be called out or questioned. What if she's just temporary in his mind? What if he too, never grows beyond the partying ways and pot smoking glory days of being "cool"? What if he can't tell her he loves her, or even commit to her as she would for him? But, with him, there's no thought of any future beyond the now?

She's afraid of the wrong choice, which cannot be recovered from.

Who do you chose? Who do you stab in the heart

Whoever she chooses, will create a regret she'll never crawl away from. She's torn and crying over it. She's angry and looking for a way out of a no win scenario. She's slathered with guilt that can never wash off, because she wanted it all...and that's not possible...

That's not life.

And she doesn't realize that her book of regrets, adds more chapters.

I wish I could say the right thing, and make it go away, but I can't. It can't be ignored, and it can't be a happy ending.