Pomp and Circuses

Today, a great and wonderful thing was bestowed upon me. Christine invited me to her Graduation ceremony.

Considering she only had five tickets, she gave the rest to family, and she had lots of friends, to actually ask me If I could attend, was really a special moment for me. She once said that I particularly liked her because of the "spark" she gives me. She may be right.

Jesus, graduations have changed since I've been to school. She had a live band playing a rather decent "Pomp and Circumstance", everyone got flowers, video presentations, and finally, a fireworks display. It was like a circus, but without the smell of horse urine and clowns. And, that's always a good thing!

When I arrived, many of us invitees had to actually park in a bus stop lot a few blocks away, then we had to board a school bus to be driven to the stadium. It's been years since I've been on the yellow bus, and for old times sake, i took the seat right on the wheel hub. Also, because I think I'm a bit more flexible than many of the oldsters on that bus. All i need is someone with a broken hip to detour my journey.

I've never seen so many people stuffed into a small arena since my Police concert way back when! I have a thing about crowded spaces, but I wanted to be there for Christine. 400 graduating students, all with 5 tickets each: that's about 2000 people in a sardine can. I was going to bring her a rose, but the odds that I'd actually be able to find her in this...

Wait a sec. we're talking me. The master of mistiming and missed opportunities. So, of course, we find each other almost immediately. I give her a warm hug, tell her she looks fantastic, and wish her well as I go to find my seat. And since I have a long wait till her name is called, I start to remember my own graduation.

I remember how I thought it might turn out. The hopes I had for the perfect ceremony just like they have in the movies. I was going to ask my friend Wendii out. I thought it would be the perfect time! I had such a crush on her, and i think she liked me. But this...this was the moment that I finally would have the balls to actually say something. After all, this would be my last chance, or I'd never see her again.

I remember how screwed up it actually was. MY band was playing horribly, so much so, they played the "pomp" song from a cassette over the PA. Minutes before the ceremony, one of my best friends ran over a girl trying park his car. And yes, this girl was one of the popular 4.0 point average girls. It didn't help that he, himself, was the school troublemaker, and all of us pull as many strings as possible to get him to graduate. That sends a nice pall over the "happy proceedings".

I remember holding the hat of someone as we waited for our names to be called to the stage. I was looking away as I was trying to see above all the sad faces in the crowd. And I just recalled that the 6'2" guy I was holding the hat for was actually the boyfriend of the girl that got ran over, just as i felt a slight tug on the hat. I start to hand the hat over, not looking back at him, and wondering why he's leaning more towards me but not grabbing back the hat. it's getting crushed.

As I look back towards him to ask him if he's okay, I see the whites of his eyes...only. And his six foot form falls up top on me like a cut down tree, right into the muddy ground. So far a not so special day for me.

But it is for Christine. I can't see her anymore, but the names are whittling down to hers. And frankly, I sit up in anticipation, as I'm so happy for her.

After getting my diploma, and scraping the mud off my gown I make my way to the gym to see Wendii. After the day I having, at least I'm not going to miss this part. I can be crushed in mud all day, If I can just ask her out. That's all I wanted from today, that's why I'm here. And I see her there, and she's just beautiful with her short auburn hair, just standing there with the sundown reflecting behind her. I make my way up and I'm smiling from ear to ear, and I'm just going to say it. "wendii, "I'll say, "I really like you a lot, and I wanted to know If you'd just go out with me."

But I don't say it. I see the grief on her face. The sadness. And I don't...say it.

Remember the guy who ran over that girl in the parking lot? He was my friend, and he was Wendiis friend too. He was the one who introduced us. And just what the hell am I supposed to say now? "Sorry about that John did out there. So, wanna go out?" "Gee, I wonder if Johns okay and the girl is stable now. But forget all that! Can I have your phone number?" "Considering how selfish and tasteless I am, do ya think you'd be hot for me?"

No. Instead we talk about him, and she excuses herself because now she's incredibly depressed. And my world diverges from there. The what could have been and what became of me. And I never saw her again.

Christina hits the stage, and she smiles so big, it's simply beautiful as she throws her arms up in the air in triumph. I scream her name, knowing she probably wont hear it, and make my hands sore just by clapping the loudest I can. Fireworks go off, and I'm not talking figuratively.

As I make my way out of this claustrophobic stadium, I seek her out, but can't find her. I wait where we met the first time, but no ones there. And, really, it's not for me to ruin her evening by having my stupid face hanging around. Tonight, is her night, and she needs to make all her times for her friends. Don't miss your opportunities. Of this, I know.

I spend about 21 minutes texting her a simple message. I don't want to disturb her.

"Thank you for letting me be a part of your memory...good night"

And I walk back to the bus station...

When I feel an unexpected vibration in my pocket.

The text says: "You're welcome..."