Halloweens Past

Yep, I'm sick again...

It's the flu, and it's creating havoc with my voice. Earlier this morning it was a wee raspy high pitch whine that only bats can hear. Now, it's turn the opposite way, and it's gotten so low, it sounds like either Barry White, or James Earl Jones.

So, I had to call the few people I knew and when they answered, I'd play the Imperial March in the background and say "You are part of the rebel alliance, and a traitor!! Take her away!!"

Can't do that now though, my voice just changed to Eeyore. Come to think of it, it started out as Winnie the Pooh.
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I didn't post on Halloween, and there was a reason for that: Nothing happened...

Nothing! No kids in coolass satiny costumes with the plastic half mask and paper sacks with pumpkins on it. No middle school kids just tromping about the streets in some kind of get up, usually a killer or a punk. No nuthin.

Well that's not entirely true. On the way home from work at 10pm, I was driving my the paper mill near where I live. The streets were devoid of any people for the 31st...Except for this one 20-30 guy on the street corner. A pear shaped lad in a dark wife beater, jeans and muttonchops. I didn't know what to make of it, other than this portly fellow just left work at the mill and is going to on of the twelve bars nearby (in Camas, it seems like drinking is the pastime of choice...).

Then I saw something that made me giddy with glee: He had on lil' black gloves with three tiny 3 inch silvery spokes on the fist. Oh my God! He's dressed up as Wolverine! He was the only person in a costume for miles around with all the stores closed, and he even had a beer can prop. Then again, perhaps it wasn't a prop.

Anyway, I fought the urge to circle back about and make sure I saw what I saw.

I remember a time when I went trick or treating as a child, and it was sooo cool! You'd get one of those costumes at Ralphs that were in a box with the mask on the front from Rubies. The actual jumpsuit was no better than paper and had the image of whatever you were supposed to be on the front. Like, if you were supposed to be a penguin, you would have a black jumpsuit with a white belly, you'd have a stupid picture of a bunch of penguins on your tummy.

I even had one cool costume with a robot mask with a bulb that lit up on the forehead (Giant Robot! Attack!). It was shredded when I took a shortcut through a rose bush.

I remember walking miles to all these houses with a small group, and getting tons of candy from wonderful smartiees, to lousy candy corn, to popcorn balls. I actually liked the popcorn balls, that took time to do! I didn't like bags of popcorn. Someone went the cheap route. And even worse, the dreaded old guy who gave out pennies.

I'd go home and mom would inspect the candy very casually. Usually, if no razor blade is sticking out an apple, it's all good. Besides, do you know how much work will go into forcing a blade into an apple? And really, an apple? I used to toss those before I got home to make room. I'd have a HUGE load!

...Then the world changed.

Parents were scared of other people giving candy to others and children walking around in the dark. So they moved the trick or treating in a well lit mall, which ruins the costumes look under fluorescent lights. But, when I was a kid, there were hundreds of packs of kids milling about the streets! Ever see the Halloween scene in E.T.? Just like that before! If something bad happened to a kid at a house, the Childrens Underground Network would spread like wildfire.

And we come to the hideous Halloweens of today.

Last year, it was like Beruit. Cars would slooooowly move down streets to a clearly marked house. The door would fly open, and the poor children would run to the door like they were under fire by "Charlie". The poor kids would barely get out "twick o' tweet" between labored breaths, before they and to run back to the still running car with the parent yelling " Run. RUN!! Serpentine!!!"

Happened so fast, you didn't even see a costume.

And it also sucks for the kids nowadays when they have a costume they're proud of, and mom makes then put on a huge heavy coat, scarf, cap, boots, and a flashlight big enough to down a plane. So every kid I saw was dressed like a longshoresman.

So, I miss the Halloween days of yore. Even that one time I got that one 3 musketeer that was white, powdery and pitted. I looked it up and that candy bar was a decade old. Looked like an old turd from a Labrador.

At least I can go back to that house with the Smartiees...