Lets All Go to the Lobby, But Knock First!

I got free tickets to see a movie at the theater, and took advantage of that. I figure If I don't take out a loan to purchase a watered down drink and popcorn, I should be okay. And, unlike many others I see, I have the bladder of a God, a God , I say! It brakes my heart, it's so sad, when I see someone get up in the middle of a movie to shuffle off to the bathroom, and come back just after the spetacular action scene.

And you can always here them whisper, "what did I miss..."

I always thought if you can't hold it for the duration of two hours, you shouldn't ever go out without an adult diaper. Makes you wonder if these people plan their day by 120 minutes and waypoints to relieve the pressure between. Sorta like planning an assault on Mount Everest. You need to plan out every camp, and hope your sherpa brought the two-ply paper.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I needed to "use the facilities" after the movie.

I think I know why. As a awaited the previews to start, a crowd of people pushed a wheelchair with a disable person on a respirator next to me. As they backed her up, I could clearly see on the backpack LCD "low battery", and they all sat somewhere else! The whole movie was me worring about her, carefully listening for the respirator functioning, and her rhythmic breathing. everytime she took a swallow, I desperately looked for an electrical outlet. I was now her guardian, and that shattered my concentration.

As soon as the credits rolled, the throng of people surged towards the door. To go out? No. To go to the bathrooms. Moving like cattle, with slight "moo's" as some people were clustered together in a bottleneck. I waited until almost all them moved on through. Remember: God's bladder...

Passing by the long but orderly line to the "ladies powder room", I go to the entrance gateway that is...the mens bathroom. By the way...What's this "powder room" crap? Like we don't know what goes on in there? Is everyone fixing their lipstick? Do women get "the vapors" still? Call it like it is...GirlToilets. And why the line? Is everyone taking their sweet time with a good book on the can? Can women use the bathroom at home before they go to the theater? And they're so catty! I witnessed a few women whisper to their husbands and boyfriends/girlfriends, "See that lady? she didn't wash her hands!"

Walking through a doorway big enough to drive a volvo through, I try to find an unused stall. I don't like the peer pressure of society that dictates that men must used the chorus line of uninals. And there are reasons there are sneeze gaurds on salad bars. I 'll let you come to the conclusions.

Stall, closed. Stall, closed. Stall, closed. Ah...this ones opened...

I push the ajar door inward, and accidently proceed to push forward a guy in the stall with his pants down to his ankles, face forward into the toilet. The absolute fear in his eyes as he looked over his shoulder at me, I will carry to the end of my days. He didn't even try to save his flight forward because he was too busy protecting his "shame".

If he's gonna pee in a public toilet, can't he latch the door? You'd think he was expecting a UPS package here. And technically, I assulted him in an inimate moment. I just became a "masher'.

So I left, and left him to deal with the issues i've just provided him. besides my work was a block away, and I can use the bathroom there.

I arrive at my work and say hello to the staff on the sales floor. then I go to the mens room, and open the stall door...only to find another guy squatted on the can, playing a game on his cell phone. And he looks up at me with the most surpized, pathetic, helpless look a human can muster. It was a deer caught in my headlights. Jeez people! There's a lock on this stall for a reason! At least give the door a good swing close!

Now i'm seriously traumatized!