Nothing makes you feel so small and helpless, than seeing someone you care about cry.
Nothing cuts you to the core than seeing someone so strong and proud, drop the curtain on their heart, and let you see there pain. To have so much pride striped away, choking back tears. Not wanting you to see this side of themselves. To see that they too, are as frail and imperfect as the rest of us.
And nothing is more humbling then a friend feeling that safe about you, to open up that wound in your presence.
And thats the true beauty in sadness.
Friday, December 21, 2012
The Gayness Show
Way back in my early twenties, I was seeing this girl and we'd go out quite a bit and do things like see movies and stuff.
It was quite nice and we'd talk and talk for hours. And I thought, zounds! (well, I didn't actually say that, but you get the gist, right?), We sure do get along afully swell together! (I might have actually said that, I am a dork). And I was thinking, she's comfortable with me as well.....
Talking about the troubles with her boyfriend she's seeing on and off. Yeah. Nice.
But wait a sec, If she's enjoying her time with me, and we do have a fantastic time, well, she must like me, right?
And this is where I realized something I've never phantomed before. Why I always seem to be the best-est guy friend of all these fantastic girls over the years. The one 'buddy" thay they always feel so comfortable with discussing things tou wouldn't just tell anyone. I used to thing perhaps, I exuded this aura of trust, and maybe a bit of pine tar for freshness.
The big hint was taking Rose to a movie. We were having a seat in the desired center rows and I was leaning in closer to her as she spoke. The movie was about to start when she said something about having something to eat afterwards.
I smiled at her, and said "I'm game!"
...And the most odd look came over her face as she looked at me with a cocked eyebrow of puzzlement. I then got my answer on how I am percieved.
"You're gay?!"
It was dead silent as the lights went down and all I saw before the blackness was all thses heads swiveling about to see the guy who just aparently "came out of the closet" as the movie preshow. I was speachless.
so THATS why she hung out with me! She was so ready to see I was gay!
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Frustration
I'm beginning to think strokes are very frustrating. First the unable to walk and speak annoyance, then all the hubub of trying to cultivate replacement brain cells to fix all that. You'd think whatever "higher power" would make this easier. Okay, I get it: damnation upon my heathen soul. Remove my motor skills, my eyesight, my vocal range, my talent, just to make me fear the thought of a "caring" mystical spirit. Not the way I'd go about it, but i'm not all powerful, apparently.
If anything, I've seen my own strength grow. And then I have to hear people say to me, I've been "blessed" to have been given the chance to see this within myself. Praise God, or whomever for his (or her) love. All I can think of is, "thanks for giving me no credit on my resolve
EDIT: Talk about irony. This post was originally almost three pages long with tons of insightful information of my philosophy, theology, and the hell of applying for Social disability. I also commented on why I haven't done my You tube vids yet, and how hard it is to write all this, with brakes and finger tapping. I post it, and then find out all but two paragraphs remain. Frustration.
I don't even have much hope that this edit will show right now...
Hope you're having a better day than I.
If anything, I've seen my own strength grow. And then I have to hear people say to me, I've been "blessed" to have been given the chance to see this within myself. Praise God, or whomever for his (or her) love. All I can think of is, "thanks for giving me no credit on my resolve
EDIT: Talk about irony. This post was originally almost three pages long with tons of insightful information of my philosophy, theology, and the hell of applying for Social disability. I also commented on why I haven't done my You tube vids yet, and how hard it is to write all this, with brakes and finger tapping. I post it, and then find out all but two paragraphs remain. Frustration.
I don't even have much hope that this edit will show right now...
Hope you're having a better day than I.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Rapure Hit the Snooze Button, I Guess
Y'know, I don't quite like talking, pontificating as it were, about religion. I mean, If worshiping God or a broccoli spear makes you more comfortable in life, good on you and I wish you well. But I have to say a few things about this Harold Camping and his "prophesy" about the end of the world May 21, 2011.
I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all over the place, and why he decided the day after my birthday, I don't know. Probably distracted people from getting me sweet gifts, too. I even felt bad for those poor shlubs that spent all of their hard earned life savings on the "100% guaranteed" rapture date. And, as you can tell, by me typing this, It didn't happen as promised. I bet there's egg on somebodies face now, huh?
Yes, this ancient Rev Harold Camping, calculated some numerology tricks that told him somehow that the end of the world was happening Saturday May 21st 2011. Actually, what he promised was that on the 21st, all the "chosen people would go "poof" and be transported to heaven, the rest of us sinners will live till October 21st 2011 in utter torment till the earth blows up or turns into a Dr. Suess or Bizzarro world or something.
When nothing happened at 6pm as was predicted (And what time zone does God use anyway), I predicted the possible excuses he could use on his flock...
1.) Ha ha! This was a test of your faith!
2.) the rapture did happen1 don't you see it, non-believer?
3.) Due to our faith and praying, the event has been postponed until further notice. But it's gonna happen...
4.) What I meant to say was, it was the end of the old ways, and time for a new beginning with a bigger spiritual world. Good job, people!! We did it!
What I didn't expect him to say was...
5.) oops...sorry...I'm not a modern day prophet and I am sad and old, and probably had too much tank oxygen that day. Sorry, go about your lives and be happy...
And you know what?! Turns out I am a better prophet than Harold Camping!!!
Two days later, he came out in public and he chose excuses 1,2,3, AND 4. the 21st had the "expected" spiritual rapture as God chose that day for his judgement, then he's gonna sleep on it for a while till October 21st and do his mojo then. Oooohhhhh....and I thought Camping was just wrong.
I also predicted that although this is the second time he predicted wrong (the first in 1994) he's still going to have believers follow him somehow. At that point, I stopped feeling sorry for those who spent their life savings on Harold's words (he sure as hell doesn't feel bad. Even said on his radio program, it's not his responsibility as he never actually told these people to spend their money on his quest. But, he also didn't say not to. And he himself, said he wouldn't give up his home or car.)
I say, practice whatever makes you happy. No one is better than anyone else. Don't tell me what I believe in is the wrong religion while yours it right. I try to be good person , and that's my center. I don't need or want anyone like Harold Camping to place his USDA stamp of approval on the back of my hand so i can get into Heavens nightclub. It should be as simple as, you good= go to heaven, collect $200.
And if the rapture does come October 21st, I guess there'll be egg on my face and I should have gotten my hand Harold stamped. at least I'll be in good company and with lots of left behind pets. It'll be like My Little Pet Shop.
Be good humans.
I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all over the place, and why he decided the day after my birthday, I don't know. Probably distracted people from getting me sweet gifts, too. I even felt bad for those poor shlubs that spent all of their hard earned life savings on the "100% guaranteed" rapture date. And, as you can tell, by me typing this, It didn't happen as promised. I bet there's egg on somebodies face now, huh?
Yes, this ancient Rev Harold Camping, calculated some numerology tricks that told him somehow that the end of the world was happening Saturday May 21st 2011. Actually, what he promised was that on the 21st, all the "chosen people would go "poof" and be transported to heaven, the rest of us sinners will live till October 21st 2011 in utter torment till the earth blows up or turns into a Dr. Suess or Bizzarro world or something.
When nothing happened at 6pm as was predicted (And what time zone does God use anyway), I predicted the possible excuses he could use on his flock...
1.) Ha ha! This was a test of your faith!
2.) the rapture did happen1 don't you see it, non-believer?
3.) Due to our faith and praying, the event has been postponed until further notice. But it's gonna happen...
4.) What I meant to say was, it was the end of the old ways, and time for a new beginning with a bigger spiritual world. Good job, people!! We did it!
What I didn't expect him to say was...
5.) oops...sorry...I'm not a modern day prophet and I am sad and old, and probably had too much tank oxygen that day. Sorry, go about your lives and be happy...
And you know what?! Turns out I am a better prophet than Harold Camping!!!
Two days later, he came out in public and he chose excuses 1,2,3, AND 4. the 21st had the "expected" spiritual rapture as God chose that day for his judgement, then he's gonna sleep on it for a while till October 21st and do his mojo then. Oooohhhhh....and I thought Camping was just wrong.
I also predicted that although this is the second time he predicted wrong (the first in 1994) he's still going to have believers follow him somehow. At that point, I stopped feeling sorry for those who spent their life savings on Harold's words (he sure as hell doesn't feel bad. Even said on his radio program, it's not his responsibility as he never actually told these people to spend their money on his quest. But, he also didn't say not to. And he himself, said he wouldn't give up his home or car.)
I say, practice whatever makes you happy. No one is better than anyone else. Don't tell me what I believe in is the wrong religion while yours it right. I try to be good person , and that's my center. I don't need or want anyone like Harold Camping to place his USDA stamp of approval on the back of my hand so i can get into Heavens nightclub. It should be as simple as, you good= go to heaven, collect $200.
And if the rapture does come October 21st, I guess there'll be egg on my face and I should have gotten my hand Harold stamped. at least I'll be in good company and with lots of left behind pets. It'll be like My Little Pet Shop.
Be good humans.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Pre-End of Days Sale
Well, today is my birthday, and I thought I needed to post something seeing as tomorrow is the foretold "end of days" and I haven't done anything here in about a year. If it is end of days tomorrow, I guess it doesn't matter if I do do this (*snicker* I said "do do"). But, at least I'll feel a sense of accomplishment when we're all flushed down the toilet of reality.
Why haven't I posted anything here in a while? I wondered myself about this, and only recently have I been able to admit to myself that I'm not 100% back from my ordeal, as I like to tell myself I am. I mean, having a positive attitude is fine and all, but there's a point where it's almost being delusional and I need to be realistic. I currently can't focus on anything for long amounts of time, neither brain or tactile skills. Previously, when I sit down and type a blog, I just sit and start to free form type. No real editing other than a soda brake and auto correction. I'm pretty much a "new me" now and I've lost the owners manual. When I now start a blog, it's really a mental workout to retain focus and finish it. I quite often fall asleep while typing.
So, I do apologize to those who did follow me, And I hope you'll all be around again. I'll keep on trying to write, and draw, and walk, and drive and not burn the cheddar on my famous mac & cheese casserole.
In the meantime, I'll let you all in on a few things I've been toying with to fill my time and make up my blog deficit. Firstly, I've been trying to get my head together for a youtube blog thingy where I do more movie and pop culture reviews as soon as I can. Whitney made me an awesome title piece for the show and she's such an expert in editing and comedic timing. Without her, I wouldn't even be here. When I get my act together, literally, I'll post it here.
Secondly, I've been doing a "soup" page for a few weeks to train my mind again. It's a daily (I try at least)picture and video collection blog I put together and, like stumble, is a place you can lose hours of your time exploring. Take a look, and I'll be doing this quite a bit as it's fast and easy for me to do in a few seconds.
http://atomicknight.soup.io/
You can also go to my lovely significant other blogs, as I find her to be hilarious in her own right. This blogging page also has her weird Goodwill finds that we come across, with pictures. Here's Miss Eccentric...
At least she writes more often than me now. We were only together for a few weeks when I had my stroke, and she still stuck around! Even the nurses at the hospital were amazed, mentioning that marriages have been torn apart from a stroke, So, she is an amazing woman, with the proof of time in her pocket.
Also check out her net famous Song of the Day blog. Many people follow this little side hobby of hers...
So anyway, there you go, this was exhausting, and I need to be at my best for tomorrows rapture event. Wanna get good seats and convenient parking.
Take care and see you all on the other side. Me ant Whitney are going to enjoy my birthday (her's was yesterday). I'm coming for my damn birthday burger, Red Robin. And If you dare to try "singing" Clappy Birthday to any of us, I'm going to punch you in the neck and throw Red Robin Seasoning in your eyes like mace...
Take care,
Michael (Atomic Knight)
Oh, and remember, it's also Cher's birthday too...
Why haven't I posted anything here in a while? I wondered myself about this, and only recently have I been able to admit to myself that I'm not 100% back from my ordeal, as I like to tell myself I am. I mean, having a positive attitude is fine and all, but there's a point where it's almost being delusional and I need to be realistic. I currently can't focus on anything for long amounts of time, neither brain or tactile skills. Previously, when I sit down and type a blog, I just sit and start to free form type. No real editing other than a soda brake and auto correction. I'm pretty much a "new me" now and I've lost the owners manual. When I now start a blog, it's really a mental workout to retain focus and finish it. I quite often fall asleep while typing.
So, I do apologize to those who did follow me, And I hope you'll all be around again. I'll keep on trying to write, and draw, and walk, and drive and not burn the cheddar on my famous mac & cheese casserole.
In the meantime, I'll let you all in on a few things I've been toying with to fill my time and make up my blog deficit. Firstly, I've been trying to get my head together for a youtube blog thingy where I do more movie and pop culture reviews as soon as I can. Whitney made me an awesome title piece for the show and she's such an expert in editing and comedic timing. Without her, I wouldn't even be here. When I get my act together, literally, I'll post it here.
Secondly, I've been doing a "soup" page for a few weeks to train my mind again. It's a daily (I try at least)picture and video collection blog I put together and, like stumble, is a place you can lose hours of your time exploring. Take a look, and I'll be doing this quite a bit as it's fast and easy for me to do in a few seconds.
http://atomicknight.soup.io/
You can also go to my lovely significant other blogs, as I find her to be hilarious in her own right. This blogging page also has her weird Goodwill finds that we come across, with pictures. Here's Miss Eccentric...
http://whitsrandomupdates.blogspot.com/
At least she writes more often than me now. We were only together for a few weeks when I had my stroke, and she still stuck around! Even the nurses at the hospital were amazed, mentioning that marriages have been torn apart from a stroke, So, she is an amazing woman, with the proof of time in her pocket.
Also check out her net famous Song of the Day blog. Many people follow this little side hobby of hers...
http://sotdarchive.blogspot.com/
So anyway, there you go, this was exhausting, and I need to be at my best for tomorrows rapture event. Wanna get good seats and convenient parking.
Take care and see you all on the other side. Me ant Whitney are going to enjoy my birthday (her's was yesterday). I'm coming for my damn birthday burger, Red Robin. And If you dare to try "singing" Clappy Birthday to any of us, I'm going to punch you in the neck and throw Red Robin Seasoning in your eyes like mace...
Take care,
Michael (Atomic Knight)
Oh, and remember, it's also Cher's birthday too...
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