Point of View

oh, this is godawful weather around here in Washington, so I'm typing this at 5am when it's cool. Okay, I thought I'd share the experience it was to have a stroke from my point of view.

First let me clear up a myth-conception: you don't feel it coming on. It's not like Fred Sanford grasping his chest screaming that he can feel that here comes the "big one". I didn't notice anything until i just couldn't move my fingers, and had the worst instant headache ever. Felt like a WWF cage match in my skull. I needed to sit down immediately. What happened at this point was my famously high hypertension reached a new world record and burst a blood vessel in me brain.

As strokes go, if you had to have one, select this type, a bleed out. It's the best type to have for mortality rate and recovery. My brain space was filling up with blood and snuffing out nerves with the pressure. In my case it damaged my number 3 optical nerve on the right side, and a cascade of nerves on the left. Usually, a stroke effects one side or the other randomly. Mine started on the right and crossed over to the left, effecting the number 7 nerve on my face, then the limbs downward. Ignoring the massive headache, it feels like your body is falling asleep, pins ans needles and numbness. I made it to bed before my legs stopped functioning, where the headache and brain pressure made me throw up everything I've ever ate.

I should say, t this point, don't screw around, call 911! Your chances of 100% recovery will be much higher the sooner you have medical help. I of course didn't want to go to a hospital, just to lay down in a dark room. But as Whitney, my girlfriend told me later, an I had no clue, was that i was mumbling, my arms went slack, and I was trying to get up but couldn't, like a bird that can't fly, so he just flutters on the ground helplessly.

If you ever saw Mission Impossible 3 when the small bomb went off on Felicity's brain, and her eyes roll all weird and get dark...It was like that. Like a small bomb going off on your brain, but you live.

When the paramedics show up, they aren't delicate. my apartment has scrape marks and dings from equipment and a failed attempt to get a gurney downstairs and in my room. Also don't wear a shirt you want to keep, they'll just gonna slice it off with a knife like an experienced serial killer skinning a victim.

I don't remember anything from the ICU, other that I was being asked the same questions over and over to see if i have any brain damage. I thought it was 1987, but I'm like that normally, and I never remember the date. made me look a bit damaged I imagine. I was there for about 3 weeks with tubes out of my arms and my feet with pressure casts to keep my circulatory system running. I am also told I accidentally scratched my own face and head, I was so burning up, and scratched my leg raw, and those beds are a bitch to relax in. Luckily, from time to time, i was moved o a device called the Stroke Chair that was very comfortable in comparison. Lots of head scans too.

Now I was lucky. I had bleed out, and not a bleed in, so I didn't need any drilling in my skull to alleviate pressure, and got to the hospital in time to lower my blood pressure, so my brain was already healing and draining by the time i got there. Now it was on to rehab to start making new neural pathways for my limbs and eyes through therapy.

The doctors gave me 6 months recovery, but i love proving authority figures wrong and was released to go home in 6 weeks, but that took some very very hard work. And I saw others just give up and not do the therapy. Period. That was sad to see, others just not caring anymore. I drew and walked and played guitar, and Beatles Rockband was coming out in a few months...I wanted to get better. Also it was so unfair to Whitney to stifle her life for my crippled ass. I pushed myself to exhaustion.

And now I'm 95% recovered in my limbs. I even walk without a wheelchair or cane now. I do strongly recommend playing Rockband a lot. Got my fingers and balance back with that. So, if you ever hear anyone dissing video games as pointless wastes of time, tell them how it helped Mr recover from a stroke, and tell them to shut the hell up.

SO, remember to get BP check ups with a good doctor (my former one was an ass) learn about the medication you take (Dr. Ass forgot to prescribe a pill that activates the other pills he gave me). Remember that a Stroke has no warnings, and call 911 without delay. Don't let my misery be in vein. I'm signing off now was the sun is coming up and I'm starting to feel the heat..,.

Least I can feel.

Progress Report

My progress so far since I have been home: Ive got about 95% of my arm and it no longer looks like a smurf arm I guess, I can play Rock Band at medium finally one of my "long term goals" simply because Beatles Rock Band comes out September and I need to be expert again. I'm starting to use my left leg and I got my swanky new glasses so I dont look like a freak with double vision and space goggles. I can actually read now and more importantly play Left 4 Dead. My PT and OT are going well. My current doctor is a complete bitch and stresses me out. She "yells" at me all the time and she hates my blood pressure machine. She also spits blood out of her eyes like a Brazilian toad if you dont answer her quickly.

I take 11 pills a day to get my blood pressure lower than that of a frieghtened bunny. And I finally got my handicapped placard and ID card. I also filled my prerequesite of going to IHOP for breakfast as a temporary handicapped person. Its state mandated.

I also now enjoy being pissed off at people who abuse handicapped parking or places that arent handicapped friendly. There are such bastards out there who park in these reserved spaces just to be closer to a store or bank. Reading a book, talking on a cell phone or eating a sandwhich.

I'll get more on that later when I can I start typing on my own.