SushiPhobic

There are some amazing things out there that brightens the human spirit and ignores the fears of mankind's eventual evolution into beings of great worth...


I just didn't know that eating raw fish and seaweed compressed into rice balls was the arena in which we would prove ourselves. Yes, people, I actually ate sushi. I ate things normally picked out of ones swimsuits butt at the beach.


Christine always promised, nay, crusaded, that I must experience going to a sushi bar and enjoying the experience that is, sushi. I never had a reason to try anything that exotic before, and when I've been with her in the past, I'd be a big puss and eat such Japanese traditional favorites such as pumpkin pie and watermelon. That's the equivalent of going to a fine french cuisine and asking for the A1 sauce and a plate of frank n' beans. Godammn ugly American!

But This time, I promised her, promised, that I will actually eat sushi. With all the crap that's been happening to me, I thought it was way way too silly to fear these colorful flavor packets. I this was going to be the beginning of a crusade to abolish stupid fears and annoyances.

I had heard about the dollar a plate sushi night on Halloween at work. And this was right after I had walked into a cloud of flatulence that my co-worker, Stewart had thought he had stealthily released into the workspace. Not so ninja, and when I hit it, I reared up like a horse that was spooked by a snake.

But I digress. For those of you that has never walked into a Sushi Bar, it goes like this: It's a small small area with stools near this countertop with a conveyor belt of sorts, separating you from some surly guys making these artistic dishes. The conveyor belt rotates around the bar caring various plates of comestibles. The color of the plate determines how much the item will cost. When you're full, or sick, you motion an asian lady over who will count up your plates and give you a check.

You also have to master the chopsticks. Even though forks also rotate once in a blue moon, I hear if you grab one, a Ronin will jump out from behind a curtain you thought was the bathrooms, and disembowel you to the cheers of the customers. May not be true, but just try the chopsticks in case.

But jeez, a dollar a plate is a great deal. So much so, when Letty, Christine, Nikki, Greg, Jordan, and I, arrived, we had to wait standing about for over an hour. If you know Christine like I do, You never never never ever, evernever, deny her food when she's hungry. If she were a raccoon in a bear trap, she'd gnaw off her own leg for some sushi. She was about to start screaming at customers that they are already fat bitches and need to vacate, when we were mercifully sat down.

I sat between Nikki and Christine. I was told Nikki is the expert, and would treat my virgin palate like a gentle lover. Well, I was sort of told that.

And she did. She's gesture at a sushi roll and say things like, "you can start with that." or "that's fish, you wont want to do that yet". Christine took brilliant care of me and told me to just trust her, open my mouth, and eat...this. Don't nibble, just eat, chew, and swallow. Don't try to identify, or comprehend, just enjoy. Without hesitation, I took the roll and ate it.

And, it wasn't bad at all.

In fact, it was interesting to taste the textures and not know exactly what I was eating. I've never ate anything before without knowing what it would probably taste like. I ate this without any preconception. And it was quite liberating!

I tried another. And a spicier one! And a bolder one! And something that looked like old fried popcorn chicken ruminates. As it turned out, it was calamari...A squidy thingy. I ate fish! That is truly one of the sighs of End of Days!

As I ate it, all I thought was poor Admiral Akbar on the rebel star cruiser screaming, "It's a trap!!!", as Darth Vader breaded and deep fried his sorry ass. I was having culinary fun!

I use to be SushiPhobic, But I so enjoyed the experience with my friends, that I suggested that we so needed to do this again. Even Christine was proud of me, as I was.

So kids, let that be a lesson for all of you. Never walk by a gassy co-worker with your mouth open, and fear of the unknown isn't a real fear at all.

Happy Halloween folks, and try the Akbar, he's delicious.